Sometimes you just don't realize how far you've come until something from the past resurfaces for a brief moment.
Remember Rowan's violent stage? Ack, that was the worst. He would get upset about something and immediately hit, kick or bite. Especially noise, and especially Aidan playing any kind of instrument. I am not quite sure how we survived it. With many of his behaviors, the violent attacks would ebb and flow...so when it went away last time (when WAS that?) I gave it a sneer and a "Yeah, whatever, behavior, you'll be back."
Last week, Aidan sat down to practice the piano. This usually upsets Rowan, but if he voices his opinion, Aidan will usually stop so we can get his brother occupied with something else or remove him to another room. This time, Aidan decided to be all Big Brothery. You know, push some buttons. He kept playing. "AIDAN STOP!!!!" Continued to play more. "AIDAN THAT'S TOO LOUD." Kept on going. "AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" (At this point, I am trying to get him to stop too.) And....kept playing. I watched Rowan snap. He just completely lost control, ran over, and smacked Aidan.
But this time it was different. I saw something in Rowan's face change...horror and resentment at what he had just done. (Aidan was fine, by the way, and frankly he kind of had it coming.) Rowan ran over to me, sobbing, "I hit Aidan!" like he realized how terrible it was that he reacted in such a way.
It was amazing to watch that realization wash over his face. What a great reference point. A moment for me to recognize that slowly he is acquiring the skills he needs to cope with his sensory stuff. Wow, how far he's come. And, although he still can snap, now I know that behavior not coming back to the degree that it was before, because HE recognizes it.
