Rowan is Five!

Well, we made it to five!  Those seasoned moms always say, "Enjoy it while you can, time moves fast!"  God, that is SO true, especially with the second child.
I posted on facebook that Rowan has been one of my greatest teachers in life, and that I love him so much for his passion, giggles, sensitivity, silliness, hugs, sense of humor and imagination.  As much as he has provided challenges, I would never trade him for the world, and I know the things that give him his challenging quirks are what give him his awesome, funny, cute and amazing quirks.
Nothing else to say but post a bunch of birthday pics.

Rowan surprised us by taking on the French River rope swing on his birthday.

We decided to start a tradition of letting the boys pick a restaurant to go to on their birthday.
That is how I ended up at McDonald's.

Rowan knew he wanted birthday cake flavored ice cream at the new ice cream shop by our house.  I should have gone to the gym twice on this day.

Rowan opens the coveted fan snowplow he's been asking for since January.

Trying out his new boat in the backyard.

Sign cake

The LVM crew

The water blob

Happy birthday, Rowie Bear!

Black and White/The Summer Bucket List

"Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me."

I fell for it again.  Rowan came out of his last backslide so beautifully that I convinced myself it wasn't going to happen again.  He is regressing with a vengeance right now. 

Regressions are hard.

Welcome back, fighting, biting, kicking, punching and screaming.  Just in time to help usher in summer.

Luckily, I recently discovered my Towanda, (avenger of all evil.)  It started with a group of sixth graders.  I just wasn't going to take their shit anymore.  I got angry, I avenged, it felt good and now I feel unstoppable.  Rowan picked a baaaaadddd time to get defiant.  I will avenge any evil this child throws at me.

One thing that has become increasingly clear over the last few weeks is that I need to take away all shades of gray.  Everything has become black and white.  Rowan is clearly looking to see where the boundaries are right now, and I am drawing them as clearly as I can.  Where I normally pick my battles, I have made everything a battle.  Say no to me?  I don't think so.  Growl at me?  Uh-UH!  Do something right after I told you not to?  Look out.  Whine?  No way.  I have become the Royal Queen Bitch in this house.  It IS possible to take EVERY toy away, did you know that?  I am amazed at how I have disentangled my emotions from this situation and so clearly can see how it needs to be done.  Exhausting?  Yes...but not as exhausting as letting him run the show.  Painful?  A little bit, but I got my eyes on the prize this time.  I will not raise a jerkface.  And since I have started this little plan, I notice Rowan still wakes up every morning and loves me.  

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Let's get away from the negative and focus on the good things ahead.  I survived my first year at my new job, full time and with promise of full time next year.  The last day of school felt surreal.  I normally feel grief and sadness...this is the first time I know I am coming back to the same kids.  It was a challenging year in many ways, but I am ending on a very high note, already excited for next year.  And I am SO damn lucky.  (Oh, and did I mention it's my first REAL summer off?)

So without further ado, this year's Summer Bucket List (with help from Aidan):

1. Visit every playground in Duluth
2. Sleep in the backyard
3. Movies in the park
4. Lemonade stand
5. Fishing at Hartley
6. Camping, camping and more camping
7. Pirate exhibit at the Science Museum in St. Paul
8. Teach Aidan to snorkel
9. French River and lunch and the Scenic
10. State Fair
11. Pick strawberries
12. Pick blueberries
13. Make jam
14. Make pickles
15. Ride bikes to get ice cream
16. Teach Rowan to ride the bike tagalong
17. Make homemade ice cream the old fashioned way
18. Stay and swim at the Edge
19. Timber Twister
20. Have Lynnie over for dinner
21. Lots of pontoon rides

And my personal additions:

1. Keep the garden weed free
2. Host two kickass birthday parties
3. Deep clean and organize every room in the house, including the basement
4. Make enough aprons, bags and skirts to sell somewhere.
5. Catch up with old friends.
6. Stop sleeping in: seize each day.

My hope is that by posting these here, I will stay on top of the list, and hopefully post our adventures here!

One Year

Happy Birthday, Blog!

All right, I know I am a couple of weeks late, but if it makes you feel any better, I am one of the worst people I know about remembering and acknowledging birthdays.

You've seen me through some tough times, blog.  Thanks for that.  It's been so nice to have a place to go to vent creatively and productively.  And at least when I am having a hard time dealing with stuff, I can write something poignant about it.  And then I look back and realize on some level, I was dealing well with stuff, I just wasn't conscious about it.

Anyway, looking forward to another nice year, hopefully with fewer sad posts.  I will try to spend more time with you.

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Updates:

This guy continues to amaze me.  Playing guitar, picking up songs more quickly than you could ever imagine.  Today, at a birthday party, he picked up some weird Finnish string instrument and was tinkering with it.  He stood up and pulled a pick out of his pocket.  I realized he just ALWAYS carries a pick in his pocket.  I don't know why, but that made me SO happy.  What a cool dude.  He has successfully entered what my friend Jane refers to as the anti-hygiene phase.  The other day I walked past his room only to realize he was on day 4-5 of the same underwear.  Gross.  Summer should be fun.  And smelly.  He is starting to get used to the idea of changing schools.  I am not, but will get there.

And I couldn't be more proud of this guy.  Still making great strides.  He is in the throes of the four year old constant question phase, with the recent introduction of "why."  I know it's a great sign and his inquisitiveness is a sign of his intelligence, but holy cow it is exhausting.  But he reminded me today that I need to be patient.  I'd had enough of about 20 minutes of constant questions and said, "Rowan, no more questions for a while, Mommy needs a break."  He replied, "But I want to TALK!"  Sniff, sorry little buddy, carry on with your questions.  The other day he LIED to Lynnie.  She reminded me how wonderfully developmentally appropriate that is.  Plus, we found out he's a really bad liar.  Like his dad. That's good, he'll get away with less later on.  He is still having speech at SRC (love, love love!) and is now seeing an OT and doing a great job there.  It is fun to see him be a little more himself every day.

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Reference Point

Sometimes you just don't realize how far you've come until something from the past resurfaces for a brief moment.

Remember Rowan's violent stage?  Ack, that was the worst.  He would get upset about something and immediately hit, kick or bite.  Especially noise, and especially Aidan playing any kind of instrument.  I am not quite sure how we survived it.  With many of his behaviors, the violent attacks would ebb and flow...so when it went away last time (when WAS that?) I gave it a sneer and a "Yeah, whatever, behavior, you'll be back."

Last week, Aidan sat down to practice the piano.  This usually upsets Rowan, but if he voices his opinion, Aidan will usually stop so we can get his brother occupied with something else or remove him to another room.  This time, Aidan decided to be all Big Brothery.  You know, push some buttons.  He kept playing.  "AIDAN STOP!!!!"  Continued to play more.  "AIDAN THAT'S TOO LOUD."  Kept on going. "AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!"  (At this point, I am trying to get him to stop too.) And....kept playing.  I watched Rowan snap.  He just completely lost control, ran over, and smacked Aidan.

But this time it was different.  I saw something in Rowan's face change...horror and resentment at what he had just done.  (Aidan was fine, by the way, and frankly he kind of had it coming.)  Rowan ran over to me, sobbing, "I hit Aidan!"  like he realized how terrible it was that he reacted in such a way.

It was amazing to watch that realization wash over his face. What a great reference point.  A moment for me to recognize that slowly he is acquiring the skills he needs to cope with his sensory stuff.  Wow, how far he's come.   And, although he still can snap, now I know that behavior not coming back to the degree that it was before, because HE recognizes it.

Birthday Fun or Back in the Saddle or What a Father Will Do For His Kids

This post was brought to you by a big beefy steer.

First, let me preface this story by saying I am a hippie at heart.  I don't eat a ton of red meat, don't care for country music, or own a truck or any clothing with the American Flag on it.  These are important details later.

Saturday was Dan's 39th birthday.  Though things have been going fairly well around here, we were ready for a night out sans children.  This becomes apparent when you converse more through text messaging than you do in person.  We were all set for a movie, dinner and drinks, but alas, the Thing That Seems to Happen To Us More Than Most People Happened:  the sitter called and cancelled.  Down the list we went, but to no avail.  No uninterrupted conversation for us.

The two of us kind of moped around for a good part of the afternoon, as the "sorry I can't help you" calls rolled in.  We decided to go out anyway, with the kids, to Pizza Luce, a favorite haunt.  I rummaged through a collection of gift cards I have, knowing I had one for Luce, and stumbled across one for Texas Roadhouse that I'd received as a going away present last spring.  The idea struck me that this might make for an interesting night.  Neither of us had been there before.  Now, of all the places I can think of that I would like to visit least in the world, Texas might be first on the list.  A roadhouse might be up in the top ten.  A visit to an establishment like this is probably normalcy for many Americans, but for us it would become kitschy goodness.  Hippies in a Hotbed of Country Lovin' Folks.  I presented the idea to Dan, and with a giggle, he agreed.  I went upstairs and changed into a jean skirt, boots and a funny old pink cowgirl shirt I've held on to for some reason, just to kick it up a notch.

When we arrived to check in on our "call ahead seating," we almost bailed for two reasons.  First, the music and dull roar of the crowd inside made Rowan stop in his tracks.  He absolutely would NOT cross the threshold.   Second, as I peered in, I noticed PEANUT SHELLS all over the floor.  Oh great, I thought, not only are we in for a Sensory Overload experience with Rowan, but we'll get a bonus round of anaphylactic shock with the other kid.  Happy Birthday, Daddy.  Somehow we overcame these obstacles as Rowan was calmed by our reassurance and the presence of the epi-pen in the backpack was verified.

Once we were settled and seated, it actually ended up being the perfect place for our little family.  The music wasn't too loud, and the crowd translated as more of a white noise, which kept Rowan in check.  Plus, our kids could be their normal boisterous selves and we wouldn't have to worry about their noise level.  OH, AND they had KRAFT Macaroni and Cheese on the menu.  FINALLY.  Come on, chefs, kids don't want fancy homemade mac n cheese, they want KRAFT.  A good chance the child will actually eat at this restaurant.

The giant slabs of beef and their accompanying sides of potatoes in various forms were good, Aidan had gravy for the first time, and Rowan ate pretty well, with help from a last minute social story written on our magna-doodle.  (Our server wasn't quite sure what to make of that.)  The best part was the fact that Dan had to sit in the birthday saddle while everyone in our section yelled "YEEE-HAW!"  That was worth the trip right there.  We wrapped up a decent evening, eating out with our kids, a rare thing.

Oh....I almost forgot.  Driving out of the parking lot, Rowan realized he had left his presh-us wooden signs at the table.  I wish I had been a fly on the wall to witness my husband, on hands and knees, searching the floor under the table we'd been at, where there was now seated an Asian family who seemed to speak very little English.  They kept saying "sorry" while Dan tried to explain missing tiny wooden traffic signs.  He found them.

Happy Birthday, Dan.  We love you!

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

*sigh*

I guess, for me, it's technically over.  I mean, we still have a couple days together, including the State Fair, but my brain has switched over.  I am in School Mode, like it or not.  From here on out, it will occupy my mind and being until June 8, 2012.

I look back on this summer as the Summer of Expecting the Unexpected.  A rainy June, a "part time" job that tied me down more than it was supposed to, a summer of scrambling for caregivers and juggling schedules, a rough start for Rowan.  It's easy to feel just an *eensy* bit disappointed in the Summer of 2011.  But then I think back to what I really did.

This summer I:

• Watched my toddler turn into a Little Boy.
• Watched as my Little Boy turned into a Big Boy.
• Smiled at LOTS of tourists (mostly unwillingly)
• Appreciated the stars.
• Was entertained by backyard musicians under the age of 8.
• Made lots of chalk pictures on the sidewalk.
• Took the training wheels off.
• Picked my share of berries.
• Drank my share of wine and beer with good friends.
• Ate a genuine Kazakhstan cuisine.
• Kept the garden weeded.
• Secretly muttered a prayer of thanks to the summer wind every time I smelled or felt it.
• Threw one kickass four year old birthday party.
• Rose to the occasion with social stories, positive redirection and creative parenting.
• Learned from the times that I didn't rise to the occasion.
• Got my share of giggles and butt-slaps from my cafe coworkers.
• Maintained and grew friendships from the last 2 years.
• Read a bunch of great books.
• Convened with bodies of water.
• Chillaxed on a pontoon.
• Ate at least a dozen s'mores.
• Shampooed a dog.
• Sewed up a storm.
• Followed my heart.

Onward we go, into a new season and a new start in many ways for the whole family.  I start a new job, Dan will self-employed in a month, Rowan will be at a new preschool.  It seems the only thing we can depend on is change, isn't it?  I can't help but feel a little bit like hiding somewhere, while simultaneously motioning that "come here" sign with my fingers while yelling "BRING IT!" to the Universe.

Here is to confidence, balance, and reflection on a Summer well spent.

Into The Woods - Trip Log

Day 1

Mission: to safely arrive in the Porcupine Mountains, set up camp

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 pair underwear/shorts lost to a wet slide at the rest stop, 2 pair underwear/shorts lost to slipping and falling on slippery rocks into Lake Superior

Critters Encountered:  Beety the bug, Lake the dragonfly

Ups of the day: mostly good behavior in the car, Rowan imitating a dragonfly, fascinating geology, including what looked like petrified sand,  Rowan immediately dropping his pants to swim as we arrive at the lake, realizing that seeing Lake Superior from a different place is like seeing a new aspect of an old friend.

Downs of the day: Both kids slipping and falling into the lake, a disastrous Rowan bedtime, a not so private campground, the bathroom incident in Ironwood. (Bearing a strong reesemblance to the Hackensack Bathroom Incident.)

Beach at Union Bay Campground

Day 2

Mission: To explore the Porcupine Mountains.

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 shirt/pair shorts lost to spaghetti sauce.

Critters encountered:  Chipper the chipmunk, Catherine the caterpillar, Beauford the blue dragonfly, Judu the beetle, Squiggly the millipede, Charlie the ant

Ups of the day: Lake of the Clouds overlook, sun, sand and surf, a better campsite, staring into water and fire, silent reverence for stars, Aidan singing "ding dong the witch is dead"on our hike but changing the first letter of every word to a "b."

Downs of the day: waking up after very little sleep.

Lake of the Clouds Overlook

Day 3 (Mushroom and tiny critters day)

Mission: To get out on some hikes

Wet/dirty clothes count: 0

Critters encountered: Fearless Freddy the orange spider, Tiny McCuterson the inchworm, Daddapillar the caterpillar, Mr. Squiggly Smalls the inchworm, Nick the impossibly small micro frog.

Ups of the day: reverence for cathedral trees, Rowan is brave climbing the lookout tower, mushrooms galore and Aidan decides to become a mushroom hunter, amazing views, bats, taking showers, the most amazing thhunderstorm that rolled and rolled with echoes across the mountains.

Downs of the day: mosquitoes, the thunderstorm was lovely, but nerve racking.

Old growth hemlock forest

Summit Peak Overlook

Nick, the micro-frog

Day 4

Mission: To get to Pictured Rocks, find Carrie and Corryn

Dirty/wet clothes count: numerous wet things from packing up in the rain

Critters encountered: Stick, the caterpillar

Ups of the day: getting the last campsite...and a good one, good behavior in the car, wild blueberry treasure, Miners Beach, Miners Castle, the Pictured Rocks, seeing a restaurant called Beef-a-Roo.

Downs of the day: driving forever to find an open campsite, lack of sleep due to thunderstorm, packing up in the rain, not finding our friends, making the mistake of watching Road Runner in the car and then taking our highly imitative child to an area with cliffs where he wanted to play "Road Runner."

Miners Castle

Sand fun at Miners Beach

Stick, the Caterpillar

Day 5

Mission: really find our friends, have more fun exploring

Dirty/wet clothes count: 2 outfits from two boys who wanted to "wade" in Kingston Lake

Critters encountered: Squiggles the Caterpillar, and Murphy, our dog, reunited with his family

Ups of the day: finding Carrie and Corryn, WILD waves at the beach, more blueberries, Miners falls, campfire

Downs of the day: none

"Hey, I'M FOUR!"

Murphy dodging a wild wave

Corryn, Carrie and Murphy

Miners Falls

Day 6

Mission: to move to the same campground as Corryn and Carrie, to be in the water

Wet/dirty clothes count: in swimsuits most of the day, 1 pair of pajamas peed in

Critters encountered: 215,786 black flies, deer flies and horse flies, most named "dammit" "son of a bitch" and "f***"

Ups of the day: Possibly the best campsite at Twelve Mile Beach, clear, Caribbean blue water at the beach, white sand, art gallery rocks, Lake Superior sunset, Inukshuk,  fun and frivolity with friends, the STARS, midnight skinny dip

Downs of the day:  see critters encountered

Jiffy Pop over the fire

Aidan's Inukshuk

Sunset

Day 7

Mission: Head East and explore new parts of the park

Wet/dirty clothes count: not sure, but Rowan is out of socks

Critters encountered: a leech stuck to Rowan's foot, named "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Ups of the day: Discovering dunes and rolling down them, waterfalls, finding fungus amongus with our mushroom book, lazy afternoon at Grand Marais beach, ice cream cones, warm river water at Sable Falls

Downs of the day: Corryn and Carrie went home, Murphy was terrorized by flies all day, kids overtired from fun, sunburned lips, the fact that I will be finding sand in my washing machine for months...possibly years to come.

Positively identified as "Artist's Bracket"

Day 8

Mission: To go home and take the 6 1/2 hour drive easy and relaxed and open minded

Wet/dirty clothes count: none

Critters encountered: none

Ups of the day:  lunch at Beef-a-Roo (come on, we HAD to), the cute park in Michigamee, good boys in the car, getting home at a reasonable hour in time for baths.

Downs of the day: vacation over :(

Overall, it was an awesome trip.  The boys were BORN to camp, and we came back so rested and relaxed with lots of great memories, sand, a little bit of sunburn, and a mushroom book.