The Underwear Incident

Last weekend, we took our annual trip to Ely to visit some friends, stay in a "gotel," and go swimming.

Saturday morning, we proceeded to start the usual routine of repacking things as Rowan unpacks them, scrambling to find everything and then realizing the Kids are Hungry Again right before we walk out the door.  Among the chaos of the morning, I remembered that Aidan is still in the middle of his anti-hygiene phase, particularly when it comes to his underwear.  Asking him to change it is like asking him to do some impossible, horrible task.  Many times he has lied when I've asked him "Did you change your underwear?" so now I do a check.  I make him pull the waistband of his pants down, note the color, send him upstairs, and note the color again when he comes back down.  Oh, the strange things we do as parents...  Anyway, I did the usual waistband check, he passed, and I sent him on his way.

We did finally make it to Ely, and excitement exploded as we reached the hotel room.  The Jump from Bed to Bed game commenced.  I announced, "Who wants to go swimming???" and suddenly there was more excitement. It was like two small tornadoes spinning around the room with clothes flying out of them as they rushed to get into their swimsuits.  I followed the tornadoes, picking up the debris, but something strange struck me as I picked up Aidan's pants and underwear, which had come off in one piece.  I realized that my son had not been wearing one, but TWO pairs of underwear.  He was too lazy to change them, so knowing he needed to pass the waistband check, he simply put the new pair over the old pair.  


My children: smart, funny, independent, creative.  You just can't make this stuff up, can you?

Blunder at the Lord's Table

Happy Easter!

I hope your day was inspiring, filled with loved ones and good reflection.  I also hope you didn't have to spend any of it hiding in a corner of your brother's church basement, wanting to die from embarrassment.  I did.

First let's preface this with two funny Rowan "overheards."

Rowan and I were staying with my brother Jeff's family, and attending church with them. (Dan and Aidan are on a road trip.)   One very moving component of the service was that there was a largish cross passed through the congregation.  Rowan was transfixed, and asking a million questions.  "What is it?"  "A cross?"  "What are they doing?"  "Passing it around."  "What letter is it?"

The next funny thing to happen was that Rowan leaned forward, and, inches away from a strange woman's face sitting the row in front of him, blew a large raspberry.  My mom, who was sitting with him, pulled him back and apologized to the poor woman.  Rowan, defensive, loudly exclaimed, "But I was trying to get the boogies out of my nose!!!"  Seconds later, "Oooh, I got one!"  The best part was looking down the row and seeing all the shoulders shaking with laughter. (Mostly my family, but I noticed the woman was laughing too.)

I can't even believe that I am writing about this, I am so embarrassed, but the way my husband laughed when I told him this story tells me it will entertain you.

I panicked when, halfway through the service, I realized they were serving communion.  It was the go-to-the-front-of-the-church kind, which we don't usually do at our church (or maybe we do, we rarely go anymore...read above for explanation.)  As we stood up to go, I went over and over in my mind how I was going to prepare Rowan, tell him what to do, not take too much, etc.  Also, I have been sleep deprived, nursing the last dregs of a bad cold, so in my defense not thinking clearly.  We got up to the front, I got my bread and shoved it in my mouth so I could focus on Rowan.  He sweetly put out his little cupped hands to receive the bread.  We got to the wine, I absentmindedly grabbed the cup out of the pastor's hand and took a sip as a little voice in my brain screamed, "What are you doing?  Intinction! you're supposed to dip your bread in!  Oh my God (sorry) now my cold germs are all over that cup, the pastor is looking at me like I am crazy, please can I shrivel up and die now?"  As my horror washed over me, Rowan grabbed the grape juice cup which the pastor had held out, and followed my lead, except he took several great swigs and then refused to relinquish the cup.  A short tugging match, and we booked it down to the basement where I hid, until Rowan would no longer let me.

I am glad my God is a forgiving God.  I hope the good folks at Grace Lutheran are too.

Teaching Your Child the Fine Art of Poetry

Aidan recently asked me if I know how to write poems. I dabbled in it a bit in high school/early college, but it never was my thing. I do remember writing Haikus and enjoying that. I explained the whole 5,7,5 syllable thing to him, and we came up with a few simple ones. Tonight, we wrote two masterpieces:

A leprechaun came.
He peed green in our potty.
It smelled like shamrocks.

I have underwear.
I wear it under my pants.
It is not a hat.

Overheard #4

Rowan:  Are we going to Nonnie's?

Me: At the end of the week.  In four sleeps.

Rowan: (Goes over to couch and closes eyes,) I'm sleeping!

Into The Woods - Trip Log

Day 1

Mission: to safely arrive in the Porcupine Mountains, set up camp

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 pair underwear/shorts lost to a wet slide at the rest stop, 2 pair underwear/shorts lost to slipping and falling on slippery rocks into Lake Superior

Critters Encountered:  Beety the bug, Lake the dragonfly

Ups of the day: mostly good behavior in the car, Rowan imitating a dragonfly, fascinating geology, including what looked like petrified sand,  Rowan immediately dropping his pants to swim as we arrive at the lake, realizing that seeing Lake Superior from a different place is like seeing a new aspect of an old friend.

Downs of the day: Both kids slipping and falling into the lake, a disastrous Rowan bedtime, a not so private campground, the bathroom incident in Ironwood. (Bearing a strong reesemblance to the Hackensack Bathroom Incident.)

Beach at Union Bay Campground

Day 2

Mission: To explore the Porcupine Mountains.

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 shirt/pair shorts lost to spaghetti sauce.

Critters encountered:  Chipper the chipmunk, Catherine the caterpillar, Beauford the blue dragonfly, Judu the beetle, Squiggly the millipede, Charlie the ant

Ups of the day: Lake of the Clouds overlook, sun, sand and surf, a better campsite, staring into water and fire, silent reverence for stars, Aidan singing "ding dong the witch is dead"on our hike but changing the first letter of every word to a "b."

Downs of the day: waking up after very little sleep.

Lake of the Clouds Overlook

Day 3 (Mushroom and tiny critters day)

Mission: To get out on some hikes

Wet/dirty clothes count: 0

Critters encountered: Fearless Freddy the orange spider, Tiny McCuterson the inchworm, Daddapillar the caterpillar, Mr. Squiggly Smalls the inchworm, Nick the impossibly small micro frog.

Ups of the day: reverence for cathedral trees, Rowan is brave climbing the lookout tower, mushrooms galore and Aidan decides to become a mushroom hunter, amazing views, bats, taking showers, the most amazing thhunderstorm that rolled and rolled with echoes across the mountains.

Downs of the day: mosquitoes, the thunderstorm was lovely, but nerve racking.

Old growth hemlock forest

Summit Peak Overlook

Nick, the micro-frog

Day 4

Mission: To get to Pictured Rocks, find Carrie and Corryn

Dirty/wet clothes count: numerous wet things from packing up in the rain

Critters encountered: Stick, the caterpillar

Ups of the day: getting the last campsite...and a good one, good behavior in the car, wild blueberry treasure, Miners Beach, Miners Castle, the Pictured Rocks, seeing a restaurant called Beef-a-Roo.

Downs of the day: driving forever to find an open campsite, lack of sleep due to thunderstorm, packing up in the rain, not finding our friends, making the mistake of watching Road Runner in the car and then taking our highly imitative child to an area with cliffs where he wanted to play "Road Runner."

Miners Castle

Sand fun at Miners Beach

Stick, the Caterpillar

Day 5

Mission: really find our friends, have more fun exploring

Dirty/wet clothes count: 2 outfits from two boys who wanted to "wade" in Kingston Lake

Critters encountered: Squiggles the Caterpillar, and Murphy, our dog, reunited with his family

Ups of the day: finding Carrie and Corryn, WILD waves at the beach, more blueberries, Miners falls, campfire

Downs of the day: none

"Hey, I'M FOUR!"

Murphy dodging a wild wave

Corryn, Carrie and Murphy

Miners Falls

Day 6

Mission: to move to the same campground as Corryn and Carrie, to be in the water

Wet/dirty clothes count: in swimsuits most of the day, 1 pair of pajamas peed in

Critters encountered: 215,786 black flies, deer flies and horse flies, most named "dammit" "son of a bitch" and "f***"

Ups of the day: Possibly the best campsite at Twelve Mile Beach, clear, Caribbean blue water at the beach, white sand, art gallery rocks, Lake Superior sunset, Inukshuk,  fun and frivolity with friends, the STARS, midnight skinny dip

Downs of the day:  see critters encountered

Jiffy Pop over the fire

Aidan's Inukshuk

Sunset

Day 7

Mission: Head East and explore new parts of the park

Wet/dirty clothes count: not sure, but Rowan is out of socks

Critters encountered: a leech stuck to Rowan's foot, named "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Ups of the day: Discovering dunes and rolling down them, waterfalls, finding fungus amongus with our mushroom book, lazy afternoon at Grand Marais beach, ice cream cones, warm river water at Sable Falls

Downs of the day: Corryn and Carrie went home, Murphy was terrorized by flies all day, kids overtired from fun, sunburned lips, the fact that I will be finding sand in my washing machine for months...possibly years to come.

Positively identified as "Artist's Bracket"

Day 8

Mission: To go home and take the 6 1/2 hour drive easy and relaxed and open minded

Wet/dirty clothes count: none

Critters encountered: none

Ups of the day:  lunch at Beef-a-Roo (come on, we HAD to), the cute park in Michigamee, good boys in the car, getting home at a reasonable hour in time for baths.

Downs of the day: vacation over :(

Overall, it was an awesome trip.  The boys were BORN to camp, and we came back so rested and relaxed with lots of great memories, sand, a little bit of sunburn, and a mushroom book.

Birthday Emergencies

Just in case you were concerned that the cake might light on fire, or that someone might steal the presents, or that someone might get hurt, don't worry.  The birthday boy is prepared.  This is how we found him sleeping on the eve of his fourth birthday.  All is safe and well.  Age on, little boy. :)

Overheard #3

Rowan, standing outside the bathroom:(Gasp!) Lookitdat! It's bee-yooo-tee-ful!!!

Me, walking to where he is: (thinking what? Something shiny? A butterfly? A picture?) What? What is beautiful?

Rowan: That! It's SO BEAUTIFUL!! (points at package of generic toilet paper.)

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I guess.

When One Door Closes...

...or reflections on the night before I leave a bunch of people and a place that I truly love.

Let my preface this by saying I've had my teaching license for 10 years.  In those ten years, I have taught in seven schools in five districts.  Laid off, re-hired, art on a cart, years of uncertainty.  The Golden Year was my year as a long term sub at North Shore Community School, where, with the right support (finally) I realized my full potential as an art teacher.  Right after being super close to just throwing in the towel.  This last year, as a special ed. para at NSCS was my first year NOT teaching in some capacity.  My friend Julie called it my "Detour For Rowan" year, which is pretty much it.  Much of what I learned this year, I was able to use to help him.  I was a better mom because of my job.  Universe, I acknowledge that.  Thanks.

Tuesday morning I accepted The Job I Have Been Looking For.  It's at Duluth Edison Charter School, full time, elementary level, and in a school that is growing - no sign of layoffs or cut time in the future.  Really though, what I need to tell is how I found out I was chosen for the job.

Monday, I was on a field trip to the Great Lakes Aquarium with 45 first graders.  I knew the call was coming that day.  Indeed, there was the message, waiting for me as we exited the Aquarium.  The kids were at the park, soon to be headed for Dairy Queen, and I was encouraged by my colleagues (including Julie) to just go to the car and make my calls.  The message left was the head of school, calling to "talk with" me about the position.  I called back, no answer.  Left a message, basically saying I was on a field trip but would do my best to answer the phone.  Then I headed to DQ to meet the bus.

My little friend that I work with has high functioning autism, and the kid is a hoot.  He was among the 45 kidlets.  At DQ, well into ice cream cones, a couple of classmates put ketchup on their ice cream.  This sent my little friend into a tizzy.  He was gagging and freaking out, and eventually, threw up in his mouth.  I took him to the bathroom to fix the problem and all was good again, except we just couldn't be inside with ice cream ketchup anymore.

We headed outside and sat at a table, admiring the signs in the area (one of my little friend's favorite things) when the phone rang and I realized it was Edison.  I asked my little friend if he thought he could stay quiet while I took the call and he nodded seriously.  He sat, little round cheeks, big brown eyes, hands folded watching me while I took the call.  It was the job offer.  I took in the information, and while doing so, noticed Julie looking at me out the window with a "What???" look.  I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed the words "I got the job!"  I didn't accept right away, but gave my email to receive more info and asked the usual questions.  As I was still talking, Julie burst out the front doors sobbing.  This caught my now calm little friend off guard and sent him into yet another tizzy.  So here I am talking to my new boss, with an emotional friend trying to calm down an autistic kid in a tizzy.  Autistic tizzies are hard.  Anyway, I quickly wrapped up my call, and when I hung up, Julie threw her arms around me and said "Congratulations!" and my little friend, without missing a beat, continued, "...to the flag of the United States of America."  Which almost made me not want to accept the job, for to give up such moments.  Sigh.  But I did.

But I do need to say, NSCS is something special.  An amazing sense of community, so much support, so much love.  I don't think it can ever be topped.  I always wanted to teach in a school like that, and I wish my new job was there.  And my one year as a teacher there helped me see all that I can be.  And as far as this year goes,  I liked being a para, I didn't love it.  Teaching art, I feel so much passion for my job.  The kids inspire me again and again.  Sometimes you just know what you were born to do, and you gotta do it.

I will miss NSCS, and I know that several of the relationships I have forged will be there for good, even if the job isn't there.  I went in, I felt the love, I spread the love.  Mission Accomplished.

(Now who is going to help me make the decision about whether to keep Aidan there, or send him to the new school?)

The Hackensack Bathroom Incident of 2011

This blog post is brought to you by Dyson, makers of the loudest *+%#$@ hand dryers in the world, which made my young son terrified of bathroom fans, and hence, terrified of most public bathrooms.

This wasn't much of an issue until we were potty trained. Now, well, it is.

My Mom, Rowan and I had a nice trip to Hackensack today. We had a little shopping to do, and decided to go out to lunch. We had perfect restaurant behavior out of Rowan, which was awesome. We tried to get Rowan to go potty at the restaurant, but he had no interest. (Fan....too scary.)

Next, we went to a secondhand store next to the restaurant. It was nicely equipped with two bathrooms, both with fans. You could tell he was starting to NEED to go. I didn't push it, and hoped our last stop would have a fan-less bathroom.

As we walked into the Hackensack co-op, a sign on the door greeted us: No public restroom available. Oh, this could be bad. Of course, we were not in the door 2 minutes, when Rowan informs me has has to go potty. I looked pleadingly at an employee standing nearby and she directed me toward an employee bathroom in the back.

The Hackensack Co-op is not very big. The bathroom, possibly the smallest in the world besides the one at our house, is situated in this back room in an area where employees, mostly older folks who are volunteering, are packaging food on nearby countertops. Besides being small, the bathroom had this weird step you had to go up, making the toilet look very much like a throne. Did I also mention that though the bathroom was in the back, it was very noticeable from one area of the store? These details are important later.

One flip of the light switch, and I knew I was screwed. Fan. Crap. I tried to convince him to cover his ears. No go. Lots of whining, starting to shriek. Am employee convinced me it was okay to leave to door open. I was not sure I wanted everyone in the store to see my kid's naked parts standing on this stage of a bathroom, but what choice did I have? I wedged the wastebasket into the door, which for some reason really ticked Rowan off. More shrieking. I removed the wastebasket and looked around for another tool to prop open the door. I kicked off my shoe and wedged it in. This seemed to make him happier, until he started shrieking "Take my jacket off!!!"

Did you know it's really hard to take a jacket off of a panicking 3 year old who will not take his fingers out of his ears? (And, no, the fan/light was not on, but he needed backup just in case I guess.)

One shoe off, lights off, loud panicked child, feeling like I am on stage, hmmm...what could we add here to make this more fun? Oh, I KNOW, the Well Meaning Stranger. Can I just say I hate these people? I know they want to help, but really, saying "It's better than having wet pants!" to my child in a cheery voice a dozen times is not helpful. (This was one of the employees just outside the door.) I have often wondered how I could make some happy little cards to hand to these people to shut them up. It could say "Overly Sensitive Child, do not engage in conversation please," or "This child has issues, please do not speak to him when he is upset." Plus maybe I could find some pocket copies of The Out of Sync Child to hand out to these folks. Knowledge is power, after all.

Flustered now, feeling like my body temp is about 250 degrees, face beet red, I yank Rowan's pants down (he is of no help with fingers in his ears) and try to lean him forward to pee standing up. More shrieking. He wants to sit down. Backwards. This means removal off all clothing from the waist down, including, for some reason, socks. ("It's better that having wet pants!" I hear sung through the door cheerily.) At this point, I prove that patience is not an endless well. I raise my voice, start ripping off Rowan's clothes, and even threw his boot at the wall. The employee sings her little mantra again.

Luckily, my superhero (my mom) sensed things were not going well. (I suspect at this point most people in the store sensed this as well.) Rowan at this point was seated a peeing, but she managed to calm us both down and put the situation back together.

Clothed, bladder emptied, mostly calmed down, Rowan and my mom and I processed out of the back room. "It's better than having wet pants!" my new friend chirped.

I barely remember saying it, but apparently I replied "At this point I am not so sure about that."

Culinary Delights

Scene: Bedtime, rocking chair

Me: I Love you soooo much, I could eat you!  Can I eat you?
Rowan: (giggle) No!
M: I want to make a Rowie hair salad.
R: (giggle) No!
M: Cheesy Rowie earlobes.
R: (giggle)
M: A Rowie toe sandwich!
R: (giggle giggle)
M: Noodles and Rowie bellybuttons!
R: (giggle giggle laugh) No!
M: Rowie nose soup!
R: (giggle)

Quiet, rocking for a while.

Rowan: BUTT CAKE!!!!!!!
Me: (can't help myself) (giggle)
R: BUTT CAKE!  BUTT CAKE! BUTT CAKE! (giggle giggle laugh laugh laugh)

Refer to the giggle video below to see how the rest of bedtime went.  He's up there now, still giggling.

I Never Thought I Would.....

....have to apologize to the daycare provider because my child is pretending to pee on other children.

....see the fact that my child is pretending to pee on other children as a good sign and progress because he is acting like a normal little boy.

....look in the backseat to find my 7 year old with his shirt off in March.  Explanation:  Easier to make armpit farts.

....have my child walk in on me while I was going to the bathroom and remind me "tuck in your wiener."

...be scolded at the table by both my children for potty talk. (All these boys are a BAD influence.)

Dinnertime Giggles

Most parents would put a stop to these dinnertime shenanigans, but two months ago, dinnertime used to be the WORST time of day for Rowan.  Think lots of screaming.  I will welcome these giggles.  What I didn't get on here was when I burped and both boys completely LOST it.  Aidan was rolling on the floor laughing.  Something tells me my friends with daughters do not experience this.

Lamentations

Not normally a cut and paste sort of person, but this was just sent to me, and it is FUN-NEE! Enjoy!

Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier

Laws Concerning Food and Drink
The beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.


Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

The Haircut

BEFORE

AFTER - okay the bangs are a little crooked, but read
the above stuff, and you'll see why.

I thought it went pretty well considering:

1. I've never cut hair before.

2. The only person who has ever cut his hair is in Florida.

3. After the first snip, Rowan started screaming "ONLY ON PAPER!!!!" (I wish he'd remembered this scissors rule when he cut up the couch cover last year....)

4. He screamed through the whole rest of the haircut.

5. Jellybean bribes did not stop the screaming.

6.  There was a giant dreadlock in the back which had taken prisoners.

7. I had just ingested a double cold-press mocha and was very jittery (the caffeine high was what made me attempt this in the first place.)