I Choose....

New Years comes at the wrong time of year for me.  I find it hard to reflect and renew in the middle of winter, even with the proximity of the solstice.  Spring is my time.  I find myself turning both inward and outward at the same time, reflecting on the past year and looking ahead.  This seems to be more intense this year, I think due to the Winter of Our Discontent, as I will respectfully call it.

I write freely about the successes of this past year: Rowan making strides, a family vacation, the funny stuff.  This year has been good to us in so many ways, but definitely had its own challenges.  Most of these came in the form of financial stress and work.  No doubt, my workplace was a "do more with less" kind of environment this year. Many days, I would come home barely able to function on a basic level for my family.  I probably drink more wine than I should.  I tackle insomnia nightly.

Why am I confessing this now?  Seven weeks.  Aidan counted. Seven weeks left in this school year.  It usually is a wild, hang on to your hat time of year, but I sense it is going to be crazier than usual.  I am filled with a mix of emotions - a "double dip" feeling as a friend of mine would say.  It feels EXACTLY like being at the top of a very big hill on a roller coaster: exhilaration, dread, fear, anxiety, excitement.  I realize I am at a point of choosing which of these emotions to embrace. This may not seem as easy as it sounds.  Along with the challenging environment has come a good share of negativity, negativity that I admittedly have gotten sucked in to.

I am nearing the end of our spring break, and two days ago, experienced that sort of stomach-drops-out-of-you dread.  I really forced myself to look at the "why" of the feeling.  I was able to hold my chin up as I talked myself through it for two reasons: I've made it this far, what's seven more weeks? And...some really solid accomplishments, perhaps under appreciated by Those I Wish Would Notice And Care, but I am very proud: new lessons tried and succeeded, presenting at the AEM conference, participants in art shows, winners in art contests, Empty Bowl, leaps and bounds in my use of technology this year.  It seems that somehow in my just barely keeping my head above water, I swam farther than I thought.  So on this eve before the eve before The Return, I am making a choice.  I choose celebration.  I choose fun. I choose positivity.  I know I'll be tested and The Ride might get scary, but in the end, summer will come and before you know it I'll be packing up and letting it go, faster than I can imagine.

Keep On Keepin' On

So, as usual, long time no blog.  That is usually a good thing!  Nothing much to blog about except that our little flower keeps blossoming.  The setbacks and struggles I anticipated for Kindergarten just don't exist.  Here I am staring the end of the school year in the face and I still just need someone to pinch me.

Fall conferences came and went with the news that he was fitting in great, making friends, participating, high level reading group,  blah blah blah...wait, what?  High level reading group?  I knew the kid could read, but only because he's been busted reading words off signs and such, not because he had ever read a word TO me.  I was commended for "working with him" on all the sight words, because he knew them all.  (Yeah, I never worked with him.)  Mister sneaky Pete, doing all that secret downloading without letting me know.   We got a similar report this winter.  Meanwhile our family took our first long vacation via plane with no issues.  We survived Winter from Hell.  I am so proud and relieved.

I still see the quirks, but I doubt many other people do.  He appears "shy" but I know it's sensory.  He gets "stuck" on things, but is more easily "unstuck" than he used to be, and his fixations are more appropriate and allow for flexibility (right now it's Star Wars and space.)  He tolerates sound, but has this amazing sense of smell and pronounces his olfactory observations loudly and specifically: "Mom, it smells like tacos and mud in here!"  The only behavior hiccup we had at school was a couple months ago with the potty talk and him trying to set other kids off.  A consultation with Lynnie and advising his teachers to immediately remove him from the group if he even starts nipped that in the bud.

He's even taken another big step forward in his maturity and being "out there" to others.  Reports from adults at school that he is interacting with them more (smiles, talking, joking around.)  A car trip last weekend, he got hungry and I stupidly forgot to pack snacks, perhaps shutting the years of "hangry" meltdowns out of my head. When I informed him we didn't have any his answer was "okay."  WHAT???  We went to MOA and he ate HOT food with a FORK.  (Both these things are miraculous.  I mean, really miraculous.)  He was talking and laughing with strangers.  We went to the Disney store and went to Mecca...I mean, the Star Wars section, and he never bugged me to buy him anything. Plus the fact that everything that comes out of his mouth is so darn stinkin' cute right now...

Can I push the pause button on him, please?  Though, really, I am starting to worry less and look forward more...

I'm going to change the focus of this blog to being less about raising a child with SPD to just plain old fun Fitzpatrick Adventures.  Aidan and Rowan do continue to inspire and teach me, and will ALWAYS be my greatest teachers in life, through both the good and the bad.  I recently realized if I don't start being more intentionally present with them, *poof* they will be gone before I know it.  They are growing up WAY too fast.  Look forward to more adventures soon!