Rowan is Five!

Well, we made it to five!  Those seasoned moms always say, "Enjoy it while you can, time moves fast!"  God, that is SO true, especially with the second child.
I posted on facebook that Rowan has been one of my greatest teachers in life, and that I love him so much for his passion, giggles, sensitivity, silliness, hugs, sense of humor and imagination.  As much as he has provided challenges, I would never trade him for the world, and I know the things that give him his challenging quirks are what give him his awesome, funny, cute and amazing quirks.
Nothing else to say but post a bunch of birthday pics.

Rowan surprised us by taking on the French River rope swing on his birthday.

We decided to start a tradition of letting the boys pick a restaurant to go to on their birthday.
That is how I ended up at McDonald's.

Rowan knew he wanted birthday cake flavored ice cream at the new ice cream shop by our house.  I should have gone to the gym twice on this day.

Rowan opens the coveted fan snowplow he's been asking for since January.

Trying out his new boat in the backyard.

Sign cake

The LVM crew

The water blob

Happy birthday, Rowie Bear!

One Year

Happy Birthday, Blog!

All right, I know I am a couple of weeks late, but if it makes you feel any better, I am one of the worst people I know about remembering and acknowledging birthdays.

You've seen me through some tough times, blog.  Thanks for that.  It's been so nice to have a place to go to vent creatively and productively.  And at least when I am having a hard time dealing with stuff, I can write something poignant about it.  And then I look back and realize on some level, I was dealing well with stuff, I just wasn't conscious about it.

Anyway, looking forward to another nice year, hopefully with fewer sad posts.  I will try to spend more time with you.

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Updates:

This guy continues to amaze me.  Playing guitar, picking up songs more quickly than you could ever imagine.  Today, at a birthday party, he picked up some weird Finnish string instrument and was tinkering with it.  He stood up and pulled a pick out of his pocket.  I realized he just ALWAYS carries a pick in his pocket.  I don't know why, but that made me SO happy.  What a cool dude.  He has successfully entered what my friend Jane refers to as the anti-hygiene phase.  The other day I walked past his room only to realize he was on day 4-5 of the same underwear.  Gross.  Summer should be fun.  And smelly.  He is starting to get used to the idea of changing schools.  I am not, but will get there.

And I couldn't be more proud of this guy.  Still making great strides.  He is in the throes of the four year old constant question phase, with the recent introduction of "why."  I know it's a great sign and his inquisitiveness is a sign of his intelligence, but holy cow it is exhausting.  But he reminded me today that I need to be patient.  I'd had enough of about 20 minutes of constant questions and said, "Rowan, no more questions for a while, Mommy needs a break."  He replied, "But I want to TALK!"  Sniff, sorry little buddy, carry on with your questions.  The other day he LIED to Lynnie.  She reminded me how wonderfully developmentally appropriate that is.  Plus, we found out he's a really bad liar.  Like his dad. That's good, he'll get away with less later on.  He is still having speech at SRC (love, love love!) and is now seeing an OT and doing a great job there.  It is fun to see him be a little more himself every day.

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Ode

I've wanted to write a post about our Lynnie, Rowan's preschool teacher for a while now, but sometimes you can't find the right words to express such profound gratitude.

Like the gratitude you feel when you are calling around to preschools, explaining your child's "condition" and she is the only one who 1.) knows what it is and 2.) seems genuinely excited about having him.

Or the gratitude you feel when you realize how she sees him:  as the beautiful boy that he is, with gifts of his own and lots of love to give.  NOT as a problem to solve.

Or the gratitude you feel when she observes things in your child you didn't even notice yourself, or at least couldn't put into words.  And how she ever so gently, but firmly at the same time PUSHES him outside his comfort zone. And you watch how she lovingly, respectfully redirects.  You take notes.  You try it at home.  It works.

Or the gratitude you feel when you realize you no longer dread asking the question, "How was his day?"  And the answer doesn't  include reports of him hiding, avoiding the other kids, or sitting on the steps and whimpering all day.

Or just the gratitude of that AWESOME laugh, sense of humor and insight. It has turned this weary teacher's bad day around many times.

No words, really.  But I do have a picture.  It's a photo of the top of Rowan's Sensory Processing Measure for his new Occupational Therapist.  Lynn filled out the school portion.  She could've just filled out "preschool teacher" on the relationship line.  But she didn't.  I glanced at it and an involuntary happy sob escaped from my throat.  Thanks, Lynnie.  We love you too. (Sorry if I made you cry...it's not that hard to do, you know.  And you started it.)

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

Life seems normal.

That might sound boring to most people, but it is extraordinary to me and my family.

Normal is what we've been striving for.

I feel like I woke up sometime in the last two months with this weird feeling, like, "Huh...that's weird...I don't feel frantic."

There is no doubt that Rowan has made a HUGE leap since Thanksgiving, on so many levels.  His language has become more conversational and expressive, he shows empathy and caring for others, he not only notices the other kids, but he wants to engage with them and follows along with their play.  He has become the boy we always knew was there: witty, sensitive, imaginative, caring and full of kisses and mischief.  He plays nicely with his brother, and they are totally IN LOVE with each other (or nearly killing each other, like most brothers do.)  Conflicts that do arise sure seem like typical four year old battles: whining, manners, sharing, using a bossy voice.  Lashing out violently, like he did about 9 months ago, isn't even on the radar.  His preschool teacher, Lynnie, said that watching him in the month of December was like "watching a flower bloom."

Sure, I know, as always, that there are still hills to climb ahead.  I know there will regressions and backsliding and all that nonsense, but I can't help but feel that many of the huge hurdles are behind us, and we will never have to leap them again.  We are still seeing the speech pathologist, and signed on for OT starting next month.  We are not checking him out of The Most Awesome Preschool in the World any time soon.  I'm no dummy.  I know why we're here.  It's because this stuff is working!

And so....I welcome you, uninterrupted conversation with my husband, giggles from the boys as they play together in another room.  Hello, visits to restaurants and relatives houses.  Good day to you, grocery store checkout line. Church...., um...ah, well...we'll get there.  Good evening, little boy who is upset with me because he is worried I got shampoo in his brother's eyes.  Good morning, kisses and hugs (oh...the BEST kisses and hugs.)  Hola, play date.  Real play date.  Where my kid plays.  With the other kid.

Blessed be. And Amen.

The Fitzpatrick 2011 Christmas card

Reflections on a Year

So, 2011 comes to a close.  So much to reflect on.  So much to look forward to.  So hard to not be all sentimental, reflective and hopeful this time of year.  I can't help it.

Here goes,

2011 - Lows

Sensory Processing Disorder
Aidan's surgery
Tough decisions regarding jobs and schools
The first 3 months of school (for me)
Dan getting laid off
Rowan not qualifying for SpEd services
Saying goodbye to my friends at NSCS
Losing our kitty, Beaner

2011- Highs

Trip to the Porcupine Mountains
Rowan's significant progress
Aidan learning guitar
Summer with Carrie and Corryn
Dan getting laid off
LYNNIE (Rowan's preschool teacher - she deserves her own post)
Rowan getting into speech therapy at SRC
A reminder to stay humble in my new job
Getting really good at sewing
The boys sharing a room

2011 - Grateful fors

Friends, old and new
My new creating space
Supportive family
Rowan - for being so funny, cute and imaginative
Aidan - for being so musical, funny, smart
Dan - for being supportive, loving and an awesome dad
LYNNIE
Duluth
My happy, healthy home

2012 - Looking forward to

More vacations
Watching Dan grow his own business
Watching Rowan grow into himself
Listening to Aidan's music
Making more stuff
Going on more hikes
Spending more time in and on the water
Laughing

A happy happy 2012 to you!!!!!!!!!

Body Parts You Can Live Without

I'll admit it, I've been ignoring my blog.  Sorry.  Insert usual excuses here: too busy, not inspired, etc.

It was an eventful week at the Fitzpatrick household, to say the least.  Starting Monday with a just-in-case ER visit, and crescendoing to emergency surgery by Saturday.  Fun times.

So, little Aidan has been dealing with phimosis for the last year or so, with little discomfort until about a week ago.  When he was complaining that it hurt to pee on Monday (he neglected to tell us it had been going on for days) we took him to the ER, and then consulted with a pediatric surgical urologist to schedule a minor procedure for the following week to open things up a bit.

Alas, things went downhill quickly.  More and more pain each day, until Friday night, where the kid could hardly pee at all.  Another trip to the ER, where we were told it was an infection.  Wrong.  In actuality, the hole was closing up, which it completely did by Saturday morning.  Ouch.

Immediately, I got on the phone to call the urologist again, and it was agreed an emergency circumcision was the only route.  Problem is, there is no pediatric surgical urologist in Duluth, so we had to rush to the twin cities.  Car Ride From Hell ensued.  For two and a half hours, Aidan howled in agony.  I did my best  while Dan sped.  Rubbed his back, applied, ice, played ipad movies.  The worst of it was that Rowan just didn't get it, and he couldn't stand Aidan's screaming, so he started screaming.  Then I started screaming.  I would not make a good nurse.

We finally made it down, and after a dose of morphine, the kiddo was more comfortable, and within 45 minutes he was in surgery.  The doc couldn't believe how much pressure his little organ was under and can't imagine how much pain he was in.  All went well, and we have returned home, frazzled and traumatized, but relieved, and with a little less skin.  Aidan is the bravest person I know.

While we were waiting to be discharged, Aidan and I were talking about body parts you can live without.  Your foreskin, your tonsils, your appendix, your gall bladder, etc.

"Have I ever had my tonsils or index out, Mom?"

At least he is understanding the parts of a book.  Nice.

Special thanks to Auntie Ann, who met us at Children's Hospital and went on Rowie Duty, so we could focus on getting Aidan fixed.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

One month ago, I imagined what life would look like at this moment in my life.

I imagined Aidan, off to school, with copious amounts of stress surrounding getting him there and back.

I imagined Dan, bummed at the prospect of losing his job soon.

I imagined Rowan, an anxious wreck over being in preschool full time and having upheaval in his routine (again.)

I imagined myself, overwhelmed by the new job and changes, exhausted, no time to keep up on housework, bills, putting food on the table...and too tired to be a good parent.

Here is where I sit instead:

Aidan is off to school.  Our friends and neighbors have stepped up to help.  He is transported safely, and secure and happy in his after school care.

Dan sees the end coming, but is focused with new resolve and confidence to get his own business going. (Not to mention new gear..he is all set!)

Rowan....oh what do I say about Rowan?  Well adjusted.  Happy.  Confident.  Would I have ever believed he'd ask me to go back to preschool as I was buckling him into the car at the end of the day?  Would I ever have dreamed that we'd make a sudden and rash decision to move him and Aidan into the same room the second week of school?  Lordy, no.  But it's all happening, and it is all so very good.  And WOW does that make everything else easier.

And me?  Yes, the job is overwhelming, and many days I feel like a deer in headlights, BUT, along with it is the realization that last year I was living in a state of "meh."  I feel passion in what I am doing, and MAN, DO I EVER LOVE TEACHING ART!!!!!!  And the crazy thing is, it carries over to all the other parts of my life.  I don't know, maybe I was depressed last year, but having this new job doing what I love motivates me to be a better mom, friend, wife, person.

I feel kind of underwhelmed in my own response to all these changes.  I keep looking around, thinking, "Am I missing something here? Shouldn't I be more stressed out?"  And then I'm like, "STOOPID, enjoy this moment!  You are not running around like a crazy person like you thought you would. Stop worrying about worrying."

And then I sit back, breathe, and ride this glorious wave.  Sometimes change is just what you need.

What I Did on My Summer Vacation

*sigh*

I guess, for me, it's technically over.  I mean, we still have a couple days together, including the State Fair, but my brain has switched over.  I am in School Mode, like it or not.  From here on out, it will occupy my mind and being until June 8, 2012.

I look back on this summer as the Summer of Expecting the Unexpected.  A rainy June, a "part time" job that tied me down more than it was supposed to, a summer of scrambling for caregivers and juggling schedules, a rough start for Rowan.  It's easy to feel just an *eensy* bit disappointed in the Summer of 2011.  But then I think back to what I really did.

This summer I:

• Watched my toddler turn into a Little Boy.
• Watched as my Little Boy turned into a Big Boy.
• Smiled at LOTS of tourists (mostly unwillingly)
• Appreciated the stars.
• Was entertained by backyard musicians under the age of 8.
• Made lots of chalk pictures on the sidewalk.
• Took the training wheels off.
• Picked my share of berries.
• Drank my share of wine and beer with good friends.
• Ate a genuine Kazakhstan cuisine.
• Kept the garden weeded.
• Secretly muttered a prayer of thanks to the summer wind every time I smelled or felt it.
• Threw one kickass four year old birthday party.
• Rose to the occasion with social stories, positive redirection and creative parenting.
• Learned from the times that I didn't rise to the occasion.
• Got my share of giggles and butt-slaps from my cafe coworkers.
• Maintained and grew friendships from the last 2 years.
• Read a bunch of great books.
• Convened with bodies of water.
• Chillaxed on a pontoon.
• Ate at least a dozen s'mores.
• Shampooed a dog.
• Sewed up a storm.
• Followed my heart.

Onward we go, into a new season and a new start in many ways for the whole family.  I start a new job, Dan will self-employed in a month, Rowan will be at a new preschool.  It seems the only thing we can depend on is change, isn't it?  I can't help but feel a little bit like hiding somewhere, while simultaneously motioning that "come here" sign with my fingers while yelling "BRING IT!" to the Universe.

Here is to confidence, balance, and reflection on a Summer well spent.

If At First You Don't Succeed...

Rowan has definitely gone through a shift recently.  Perhaps it was the camping trip, perhaps it is settling into summer, I am not sure.  But another layer seems to have been peeled away.  Here are some things I've noticed:

He suddenly has been very aware of the presence of the "big kids" in the yard, and going out of his way to try to be included.  He has been following them around, chasing them and copying their play.  On that same note, we were at Aidan's soccer practice and Rowan really had to pee.  He insisted on peeing on a tree.  With no porta potties in sight, I brought him near this tree where the kids like to climb, out of sight.  He started to go (splashing my shoe...thanks, little guy) and we heard kids coming.  I told him to hurry up so the kids didn't see.  They showed up as he was finishing.  He looked at them, and in a very apologetic tone said, "Sorry, guys, I just had to pee on a tree. Sorry."  It was so cute.

His own play is so imaginative.  Today he and I were at the park and we drove a car to the digger dirt place, then had to go across the bridge to get to the dirt, then we had to pretend we were diggers and move the dirt into the dump truck.  Then we found a puddle and pretended we saw all kinds of frogs in it and were discussing what they looked like.  It was all led by him and his little imagination.

His language is awesome!  So much expression, intonation, describing words and NONSTOP chatter.  And cute chatter.  He is so dramatic about everything.  Everything is *gasp* "Look at that orange garbage truck."  or *gasp* "It's a butterfly!"  This funny little gasp precedes everything he says.

But the cherry on top of this big sundae was the experience I had outside with him drawing with chalk.  His fine motor skills have always been a bit behind, plus his patience to work on it is nil.  Not to mention, since he's been a baby he's always had a very low frustration level.  I distinctly remember as a six month old, a toy wasn't working the way he wanted and he would scream and throw it.  Up until recently, this is pretty much the way it would go if something frustrated him...screaming or tears.

So, back to the chalk.  I drew a circle and he filled it in with eyes, nose and a mouth.  Then I showed him how to put on a body, arms, and legs.  I drew another circle and he drew the body.  I then encouraged him to draw a circle.  "I can't do it," he said.  "Try!" I encouraged.  He drew one.  Then he drew another.  Then another.  "Bah!" he said in frustration, and drew another.  I realized he was drawing them, but didn't like the way they looked, but he kept trying! "Bah!" he growled again after another.  Then he drew one more, apparently satisfied, drew in the face and body.  This was a BIG DEAL for this mom to see her little boy have patience and persevere through the frustration! I hope this a start of a new trend.

The circles he tried to make...

One all on his own!

We also worked on some letters.

Taking a break to play Road Runner.

Into The Woods - Trip Log

Day 1

Mission: to safely arrive in the Porcupine Mountains, set up camp

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 pair underwear/shorts lost to a wet slide at the rest stop, 2 pair underwear/shorts lost to slipping and falling on slippery rocks into Lake Superior

Critters Encountered:  Beety the bug, Lake the dragonfly

Ups of the day: mostly good behavior in the car, Rowan imitating a dragonfly, fascinating geology, including what looked like petrified sand,  Rowan immediately dropping his pants to swim as we arrive at the lake, realizing that seeing Lake Superior from a different place is like seeing a new aspect of an old friend.

Downs of the day: Both kids slipping and falling into the lake, a disastrous Rowan bedtime, a not so private campground, the bathroom incident in Ironwood. (Bearing a strong reesemblance to the Hackensack Bathroom Incident.)

Beach at Union Bay Campground

Day 2

Mission: To explore the Porcupine Mountains.

Wet/dirty clothes count: 1 shirt/pair shorts lost to spaghetti sauce.

Critters encountered:  Chipper the chipmunk, Catherine the caterpillar, Beauford the blue dragonfly, Judu the beetle, Squiggly the millipede, Charlie the ant

Ups of the day: Lake of the Clouds overlook, sun, sand and surf, a better campsite, staring into water and fire, silent reverence for stars, Aidan singing "ding dong the witch is dead"on our hike but changing the first letter of every word to a "b."

Downs of the day: waking up after very little sleep.

Lake of the Clouds Overlook

Day 3 (Mushroom and tiny critters day)

Mission: To get out on some hikes

Wet/dirty clothes count: 0

Critters encountered: Fearless Freddy the orange spider, Tiny McCuterson the inchworm, Daddapillar the caterpillar, Mr. Squiggly Smalls the inchworm, Nick the impossibly small micro frog.

Ups of the day: reverence for cathedral trees, Rowan is brave climbing the lookout tower, mushrooms galore and Aidan decides to become a mushroom hunter, amazing views, bats, taking showers, the most amazing thhunderstorm that rolled and rolled with echoes across the mountains.

Downs of the day: mosquitoes, the thunderstorm was lovely, but nerve racking.

Old growth hemlock forest

Summit Peak Overlook

Nick, the micro-frog

Day 4

Mission: To get to Pictured Rocks, find Carrie and Corryn

Dirty/wet clothes count: numerous wet things from packing up in the rain

Critters encountered: Stick, the caterpillar

Ups of the day: getting the last campsite...and a good one, good behavior in the car, wild blueberry treasure, Miners Beach, Miners Castle, the Pictured Rocks, seeing a restaurant called Beef-a-Roo.

Downs of the day: driving forever to find an open campsite, lack of sleep due to thunderstorm, packing up in the rain, not finding our friends, making the mistake of watching Road Runner in the car and then taking our highly imitative child to an area with cliffs where he wanted to play "Road Runner."

Miners Castle

Sand fun at Miners Beach

Stick, the Caterpillar

Day 5

Mission: really find our friends, have more fun exploring

Dirty/wet clothes count: 2 outfits from two boys who wanted to "wade" in Kingston Lake

Critters encountered: Squiggles the Caterpillar, and Murphy, our dog, reunited with his family

Ups of the day: finding Carrie and Corryn, WILD waves at the beach, more blueberries, Miners falls, campfire

Downs of the day: none

"Hey, I'M FOUR!"

Murphy dodging a wild wave

Corryn, Carrie and Murphy

Miners Falls

Day 6

Mission: to move to the same campground as Corryn and Carrie, to be in the water

Wet/dirty clothes count: in swimsuits most of the day, 1 pair of pajamas peed in

Critters encountered: 215,786 black flies, deer flies and horse flies, most named "dammit" "son of a bitch" and "f***"

Ups of the day: Possibly the best campsite at Twelve Mile Beach, clear, Caribbean blue water at the beach, white sand, art gallery rocks, Lake Superior sunset, Inukshuk,  fun and frivolity with friends, the STARS, midnight skinny dip

Downs of the day:  see critters encountered

Jiffy Pop over the fire

Aidan's Inukshuk

Sunset

Day 7

Mission: Head East and explore new parts of the park

Wet/dirty clothes count: not sure, but Rowan is out of socks

Critters encountered: a leech stuck to Rowan's foot, named "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!"

Ups of the day: Discovering dunes and rolling down them, waterfalls, finding fungus amongus with our mushroom book, lazy afternoon at Grand Marais beach, ice cream cones, warm river water at Sable Falls

Downs of the day: Corryn and Carrie went home, Murphy was terrorized by flies all day, kids overtired from fun, sunburned lips, the fact that I will be finding sand in my washing machine for months...possibly years to come.

Positively identified as "Artist's Bracket"

Day 8

Mission: To go home and take the 6 1/2 hour drive easy and relaxed and open minded

Wet/dirty clothes count: none

Critters encountered: none

Ups of the day:  lunch at Beef-a-Roo (come on, we HAD to), the cute park in Michigamee, good boys in the car, getting home at a reasonable hour in time for baths.

Downs of the day: vacation over :(

Overall, it was an awesome trip.  The boys were BORN to camp, and we came back so rested and relaxed with lots of great memories, sand, a little bit of sunburn, and a mushroom book.

The Look

I don't know why parents are so self conscious about what other people think of our parenting.  We just are.  There are so many styles and methods out there, and though I have always been confident in trusting my intuition over books and methods, I can't help but sometimes wonder if I'm doing it right.

And then there's parenting a kid with SPD.  How do you explain his behavior to strangers?  I can't even explain it to myself at times.  I've toyed with making him a set of t-shirts that say things like "Caution: Overly Sensitive Child" or "Please Don't Talk to Me."  There have been a couple times where I've almost told strangers he's autistic, just because that makes a lot more sense to people than "Oh, sorry, he's got a neurological disorder that impairs his ability to process sensory stimuli in the usual way."  Even the term "sensory issues" doesn't work, as I noted to myself in our last dentist visit.  The hygienist acknowledged it when I said it, and then pretty much did all the things you shouldn't do to a kid with SPD at the dentist, such as rushing him and tipping back the chair without warning him.

Because of this, I am used to "the look."  That raised eyebrow, hairy eyeball kind of stare that you get when your kid takes his shoes off and refuses to put them back on at the restaurant.  Or you are sitting on him in the checkout line.  Or he has just hit another child for not playing the game the right way. (Oh, that was horrible.  I think I apologized 327 times.)  Along with the look comes under the breath muttered comments.  Such as the lady at the McDonald's Playland who did not appreciate Rowan's loud sustained high pitched (happy) scream.  "Jesus," she said, "Someone needs to get that kid out of here."  I shot my own look at her, and briefly thought about educating her.  Bah.  Not worth the effort.  I've become much like the duck getting water thrown at it.  I just let it roll off my back.  I know what I need to do for my kid, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Imagine my delight when I got the opposite look yesterday.  We were swimming at the river and Rowan was being SO happy, chatty and social.  He was swimming up to strangers and making all kinds of friends.  I later found out that he had offered his name, age and the fact that he had a birthday coming up to a couple of moms.  He was also encouraging a 4 year old girl, who was fearful of the water, to go swimming.  And apparently being really sweet about it.  This is the kid who usually won't talk to any strangers, let alone answer questions.  One mom in particular kept smiling at me and giving me a look that said, "How cute, charming, and polite your child is!"  And though I try not to put too much weight in those looks, I let this one count.

When One Door Closes...

...or reflections on the night before I leave a bunch of people and a place that I truly love.

Let my preface this by saying I've had my teaching license for 10 years.  In those ten years, I have taught in seven schools in five districts.  Laid off, re-hired, art on a cart, years of uncertainty.  The Golden Year was my year as a long term sub at North Shore Community School, where, with the right support (finally) I realized my full potential as an art teacher.  Right after being super close to just throwing in the towel.  This last year, as a special ed. para at NSCS was my first year NOT teaching in some capacity.  My friend Julie called it my "Detour For Rowan" year, which is pretty much it.  Much of what I learned this year, I was able to use to help him.  I was a better mom because of my job.  Universe, I acknowledge that.  Thanks.

Tuesday morning I accepted The Job I Have Been Looking For.  It's at Duluth Edison Charter School, full time, elementary level, and in a school that is growing - no sign of layoffs or cut time in the future.  Really though, what I need to tell is how I found out I was chosen for the job.

Monday, I was on a field trip to the Great Lakes Aquarium with 45 first graders.  I knew the call was coming that day.  Indeed, there was the message, waiting for me as we exited the Aquarium.  The kids were at the park, soon to be headed for Dairy Queen, and I was encouraged by my colleagues (including Julie) to just go to the car and make my calls.  The message left was the head of school, calling to "talk with" me about the position.  I called back, no answer.  Left a message, basically saying I was on a field trip but would do my best to answer the phone.  Then I headed to DQ to meet the bus.

My little friend that I work with has high functioning autism, and the kid is a hoot.  He was among the 45 kidlets.  At DQ, well into ice cream cones, a couple of classmates put ketchup on their ice cream.  This sent my little friend into a tizzy.  He was gagging and freaking out, and eventually, threw up in his mouth.  I took him to the bathroom to fix the problem and all was good again, except we just couldn't be inside with ice cream ketchup anymore.

We headed outside and sat at a table, admiring the signs in the area (one of my little friend's favorite things) when the phone rang and I realized it was Edison.  I asked my little friend if he thought he could stay quiet while I took the call and he nodded seriously.  He sat, little round cheeks, big brown eyes, hands folded watching me while I took the call.  It was the job offer.  I took in the information, and while doing so, noticed Julie looking at me out the window with a "What???" look.  I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed the words "I got the job!"  I didn't accept right away, but gave my email to receive more info and asked the usual questions.  As I was still talking, Julie burst out the front doors sobbing.  This caught my now calm little friend off guard and sent him into yet another tizzy.  So here I am talking to my new boss, with an emotional friend trying to calm down an autistic kid in a tizzy.  Autistic tizzies are hard.  Anyway, I quickly wrapped up my call, and when I hung up, Julie threw her arms around me and said "Congratulations!" and my little friend, without missing a beat, continued, "...to the flag of the United States of America."  Which almost made me not want to accept the job, for to give up such moments.  Sigh.  But I did.

But I do need to say, NSCS is something special.  An amazing sense of community, so much support, so much love.  I don't think it can ever be topped.  I always wanted to teach in a school like that, and I wish my new job was there.  And my one year as a teacher there helped me see all that I can be.  And as far as this year goes,  I liked being a para, I didn't love it.  Teaching art, I feel so much passion for my job.  The kids inspire me again and again.  Sometimes you just know what you were born to do, and you gotta do it.

I will miss NSCS, and I know that several of the relationships I have forged will be there for good, even if the job isn't there.  I went in, I felt the love, I spread the love.  Mission Accomplished.

(Now who is going to help me make the decision about whether to keep Aidan there, or send him to the new school?)

Spring Fling

Man, what a slacker I've been on this blog thing.  It seems the spring wind has come and taken all my motivation away.

Actually,  there are two reasons why I haven't posted.

1.  I always expect spring to be "easy."  Every year I am wrong.  Both Dan and I have had job interviews in the last 2 weeks, school craziness is wrapping up with all of its extra get togethers and whatnot, plus my toes are getting back into working at the Cafe.  Where has all this time gone?  (Oh, and I've been playing, as per previous post.)

2.  I find my sense of humor and quick wit fires faster with adversity and stress, of which there is little around here.  Really.  We're busy, but not fried to the max like we were this winter.  When life is "normal" I'm just not funny anymore.

More on the job opportunities later.  No reason to report anything if nothing pans out.

Now it's time to brag.  Stop reading now if you hate it when parents go on and on about how great their kids are.  Really, it's pretty shameless.

The boys are doing great.  Rowan's expressive language is now blossoming to the point where he is saying things like "Of course" and "actually."  He rode a horse (with me) yesterday.  We're actively seeking out good fit preschools for him (more on that later.)  He's somehow gotten past the making friends and having trouble with social interaction roadblock.  And it seems like now that he's got that figured out, he's really good at it.  He is a super good friend, great at sharing and taking turns.  He still flips out once in a while, but what 3 year old doesn't?

Aidan is amazing me as well.  He's finally picked up the guitar, and hasn't put it down since.  Just like the drums and piano, he just figures stuff out by watching a listening.  We got this silly app on the ipad called Stack the States.  He plays it for fun.  The other day he named 48/50 states on a blank map.  His reading ability is blowing me away.

I feel like the stage is set for a great summer ahead. There may be some changes ahead with jobs and schools, but for now I am reveling in this feeling of contentment and comfort.  We all know how fleeting that feeling can be.  I can't remember where it came from, but the quote "Live the life you love, Love the life you live" popped into my head out of nowhere today.  Done and done.

Rock N Roll

Still performing.  What else is there to say?

Dinnertime Giggles

Most parents would put a stop to these dinnertime shenanigans, but two months ago, dinnertime used to be the WORST time of day for Rowan.  Think lots of screaming.  I will welcome these giggles.  What I didn't get on here was when I burped and both boys completely LOST it.  Aidan was rolling on the floor laughing.  Something tells me my friends with daughters do not experience this.

Upswing

Gosh, I don't want to jinx it, but things are really looking up.

We've had two pretty solid weeks of calmer behavior.  Fewer tantrums, and they are less intense.   I have managed to cook dinner every night this week without a meltdown from Rowan.  We went away for the weekend and stayed in a hotel, ate at a restaurant, visited a baby and transitioned from place to place without any major hiccups.  I don't feel like I need to hand a copy of "The Out of Sync Child" to people who give me and Rowan strange or disapproving looks in public.

Besides this, the Rowan I have only gotten to glimpse at now and then is shining out in full force.  He is more aware of others, and situations, and talking about them appropriately.  He is telling me if something is bothering him rather than lashing out. His self confidence is shining.  He is saying hi to strangers in public. He pretty much talks nonstop.  Along with it, his sense of humor is exploding.

All of a sudden realize the burden all this has had on me.  I can suddenly think clearly again.  I am more creative at work.  I can sleep.  I don't feel stressed 24/7.  I have more patience, and more fun.  There is less screaming and more giggling in this house.

I know Rowan has cycles of ups and downs.  I hope it's more that just the "up" of the cycle, and means real progress.  I am hoping this hangs on for awhile.  I think we're due, aren't we?  We are guaranteed easier times ahead in the next few months with more sun and outdoor playtime, and soon fewer hours for me at work!  I look forward to more sun and more warmth, both outside and inside our house.

In Between Worlds

So the verdict is out on Rowan. Not.

We've gotten the official reports from both Scottish Rite Clinic and Dr. Kidd, the consultant. It's pretty clear what each party thinks. Tahirih from Scottish Rite thinks Rowan is stuck in a pattern of behavior he developed to help him cope with his language delay. Yes, the emotional regulation stuff looks like autism. But, this is common, AND the more his language develops, the less we see it.

Dr. Kidd seems to think Rowan has behaviors that she would not rule out as "Aspergery." She thought she noticed more stimming type behaviors (sensory seeking, sensory avoiding, jumping and flapping), and thought his conversation seemed very self-centered. (Asperger's folks tend to stay on their own topics.)

Obviously, I want to agree with the first expert. I don't know if it's denial or not, but my feelings on Dr. Kidd's take are that 1.) The stimming stuff Rowan was showing could easily be part of his SPD. I jump and flap when I'm excited, don't you? (Really, I do.) 2.) Have you ever met a 3 year old whose conversation ISN'T self centered? I mean really, have you ever met a 3 year old who's been like, "Man, I LOVE Dora, how was YOUR day?"

The agreement on both parties is that it is a matter of waiting and watching. So, here we are now, living in Wait and See Land. This seemed very unsettling to me. Obviously, I want to know what is up with my kid NOW. Mostly I want to be doing everything in my power to help him be successful.

Wait, back up, choo choo. We got him all these assessments, and through that have gained amazing techniques for helping him that are working! He is seeing an OT, which he is responding to. Wait, we ARE doing everything in our power to help him be successful for now, in this moment, with what we know. So how can we do any better than that?

And of course, I just picked up "The Gift of an Ordinary Day" again, which I'd temporarily stopped reading. I seem to delve into that book whenever I need it most. I will leave it with this quote, which she writes as a mother watching her sons come of age, ready to leave the nest. I cite it now as a mother watching my sons bloom and grow just as they are, even and especially in Wait and See Land:

"...I realize [my heart] is not breaking, it's overflowing. It's not grief I feel, just love taking a new form. Love, stitching its own sturdy seam through all our souls. Love, binding together all that has been important to me and attaching it here, in this new life, in this new place, to some new sense of purpose. Love, I'm beginning to understand, is the only thing I really need to hold on to after all. On everything else: Ease up."

Sap

This has been a weekend of bliss so far, a great ending to a doable week.  Rowan's tantrums have been fewer in number and less intense.  When he does have one, he is calming more quickly.  I don't know if I should chalk it up to the techniques we are using, or just a natural "up" in the cycles he seems to have.

Weekends usually are terrible.  Hell, if I might say.  The lack of structure seems to throw Rowan off kilter. We are all walking on eggshells, diffusing tantrums constantly.  This is especially bad if we don't get out of the house.

Yesterday we drove out to our neighbors' farm by Wright, MN to the sugarbush and helped collect sap and watched a maple syrup boil down.  We had a blast, which we do every year.  It sufficiently entertained everyone, we got to see some good friends and make some new ones, and the kids (and dog) slept GREAT  last night.

Hiking in, Rowan wouldn't ride in the sled.  His train, Percy, however, is getting a ride.

Rowan stirring sap.

Aidan and his buddy, Cedar.

Aidan is known as the sapsucker.  He likes it right from the source.  No need for a boil down for him.

Rowan helping Andrew collect sap.

Collecting sap.

Rowan's favorite mud puddle at camp.

Dan stirring sap.

Straining it off while  the kids look on.

The kids go for the big syrup vat.  Rowan, Ahna, Allison, Mia, Cedar, Aidan.

Rowan didn't quite understand that he was supposed to eat it.  He just thought it was something sticky to play with.  Here he is watching the master (Ahna) at work.  He quickly figured out what to do.

Sticky goodness.