In Between Worlds

So the verdict is out on Rowan. Not.

We've gotten the official reports from both Scottish Rite Clinic and Dr. Kidd, the consultant. It's pretty clear what each party thinks. Tahirih from Scottish Rite thinks Rowan is stuck in a pattern of behavior he developed to help him cope with his language delay. Yes, the emotional regulation stuff looks like autism. But, this is common, AND the more his language develops, the less we see it.

Dr. Kidd seems to think Rowan has behaviors that she would not rule out as "Aspergery." She thought she noticed more stimming type behaviors (sensory seeking, sensory avoiding, jumping and flapping), and thought his conversation seemed very self-centered. (Asperger's folks tend to stay on their own topics.)

Obviously, I want to agree with the first expert. I don't know if it's denial or not, but my feelings on Dr. Kidd's take are that 1.) The stimming stuff Rowan was showing could easily be part of his SPD. I jump and flap when I'm excited, don't you? (Really, I do.) 2.) Have you ever met a 3 year old whose conversation ISN'T self centered? I mean really, have you ever met a 3 year old who's been like, "Man, I LOVE Dora, how was YOUR day?"

The agreement on both parties is that it is a matter of waiting and watching. So, here we are now, living in Wait and See Land. This seemed very unsettling to me. Obviously, I want to know what is up with my kid NOW. Mostly I want to be doing everything in my power to help him be successful.

Wait, back up, choo choo. We got him all these assessments, and through that have gained amazing techniques for helping him that are working! He is seeing an OT, which he is responding to. Wait, we ARE doing everything in our power to help him be successful for now, in this moment, with what we know. So how can we do any better than that?

And of course, I just picked up "The Gift of an Ordinary Day" again, which I'd temporarily stopped reading. I seem to delve into that book whenever I need it most. I will leave it with this quote, which she writes as a mother watching her sons come of age, ready to leave the nest. I cite it now as a mother watching my sons bloom and grow just as they are, even and especially in Wait and See Land:

"...I realize [my heart] is not breaking, it's overflowing. It's not grief I feel, just love taking a new form. Love, stitching its own sturdy seam through all our souls. Love, binding together all that has been important to me and attaching it here, in this new life, in this new place, to some new sense of purpose. Love, I'm beginning to understand, is the only thing I really need to hold on to after all. On everything else: Ease up."