The Look

I don't know why parents are so self conscious about what other people think of our parenting.  We just are.  There are so many styles and methods out there, and though I have always been confident in trusting my intuition over books and methods, I can't help but sometimes wonder if I'm doing it right.

And then there's parenting a kid with SPD.  How do you explain his behavior to strangers?  I can't even explain it to myself at times.  I've toyed with making him a set of t-shirts that say things like "Caution: Overly Sensitive Child" or "Please Don't Talk to Me."  There have been a couple times where I've almost told strangers he's autistic, just because that makes a lot more sense to people than "Oh, sorry, he's got a neurological disorder that impairs his ability to process sensory stimuli in the usual way."  Even the term "sensory issues" doesn't work, as I noted to myself in our last dentist visit.  The hygienist acknowledged it when I said it, and then pretty much did all the things you shouldn't do to a kid with SPD at the dentist, such as rushing him and tipping back the chair without warning him.

Because of this, I am used to "the look."  That raised eyebrow, hairy eyeball kind of stare that you get when your kid takes his shoes off and refuses to put them back on at the restaurant.  Or you are sitting on him in the checkout line.  Or he has just hit another child for not playing the game the right way. (Oh, that was horrible.  I think I apologized 327 times.)  Along with the look comes under the breath muttered comments.  Such as the lady at the McDonald's Playland who did not appreciate Rowan's loud sustained high pitched (happy) scream.  "Jesus," she said, "Someone needs to get that kid out of here."  I shot my own look at her, and briefly thought about educating her.  Bah.  Not worth the effort.  I've become much like the duck getting water thrown at it.  I just let it roll off my back.  I know what I need to do for my kid, and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

Imagine my delight when I got the opposite look yesterday.  We were swimming at the river and Rowan was being SO happy, chatty and social.  He was swimming up to strangers and making all kinds of friends.  I later found out that he had offered his name, age and the fact that he had a birthday coming up to a couple of moms.  He was also encouraging a 4 year old girl, who was fearful of the water, to go swimming.  And apparently being really sweet about it.  This is the kid who usually won't talk to any strangers, let alone answer questions.  One mom in particular kept smiling at me and giving me a look that said, "How cute, charming, and polite your child is!"  And though I try not to put too much weight in those looks, I let this one count.