Whatever The Hell I Want (or not)

Well, I did it.  I survived School Year From Hell.  I know I should be thankful that I have a full time job, a great budget and so much stability, but, boy howdy people, this year tested me beyond my limits. I am so blessed that things were so great on the home front: Dan is getting a ton of work so financial stress has lessened, both Aidan and Rowan have had a great year, everyone stayed relatively healthy.  (Spoiler alert: not for long.) I don't want to think what would've happened if I hadn't had the stability at home *shudders* - let's not go there.  I returned to my family so many nights crabby, numb or usually in Zombie Mode.  I am glad they still like me.
So here I am, at the starting line of summer.  I explained to a friend that being a teacher during the first week of summer is like getting reacquainted with an old lover.  It might be awkward, kind of fumbling around, getting to know each other again...not quite knowing how to proceed.  Sleep schedules get messed up and you're not sure how to set them or even if you should.  Lists  and plans are made, disappointment ensues if things don't happen or meet your expectations of summers before.
I usually make a summer bucket list.  I usually am bummed when I go back and look at it at the end of summer.  So this year's summer bucket list includes two things:

1. Do whatever the hell I want.  (Because I've earned that right.)
2. Roll with it.  (Because you never know what it's going to hand you.)

Tuesday afternoon, as I left school for the year, I had a strong Badass Attitude vaguely surrounding the feelings of list option number one.  I was ready to celebrate and party.  We were going to the cabin, where I would SLEEP and having someone take care of me for a few days (which is what I really needed, thanks mommy.) After I brought Rowan to the doctor, of course, since he hadn't been feeling well for a few days.  Diagnosis: strep.  The other two boys in my house soon followed.  Then they all developed a nasty head cold of top of it.  Cabin plans cancelled, and I spent five days, avoiding my family while taking care of them (I mastered doing both at the same time somehow,) begrudgingly staring list option number two in the eye.  (I may have given it an obscene finger gesture a couple of times.)  I know how many days a person can spend taking care of three whiny sick people with wanderlust in her heart before she snaps.  And that many days is five.

Today the sun is shining, and I get a do-over.  I will thank the sunshine that I remained healthy through that stint.  I will plunge my hands into the dirt.  I will pack a picnic.  I will let the breeze tie knots in my hair.  I will toughen up the soles of my feet.  I might put my toes in the sand.

A nod to summer.  To doing whatever the hell I want.  To rolling with it.  To do-overs.