One Year

Happy Birthday, Blog!

All right, I know I am a couple of weeks late, but if it makes you feel any better, I am one of the worst people I know about remembering and acknowledging birthdays.

You've seen me through some tough times, blog.  Thanks for that.  It's been so nice to have a place to go to vent creatively and productively.  And at least when I am having a hard time dealing with stuff, I can write something poignant about it.  And then I look back and realize on some level, I was dealing well with stuff, I just wasn't conscious about it.

Anyway, looking forward to another nice year, hopefully with fewer sad posts.  I will try to spend more time with you.

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Updates:

This guy continues to amaze me.  Playing guitar, picking up songs more quickly than you could ever imagine.  Today, at a birthday party, he picked up some weird Finnish string instrument and was tinkering with it.  He stood up and pulled a pick out of his pocket.  I realized he just ALWAYS carries a pick in his pocket.  I don't know why, but that made me SO happy.  What a cool dude.  He has successfully entered what my friend Jane refers to as the anti-hygiene phase.  The other day I walked past his room only to realize he was on day 4-5 of the same underwear.  Gross.  Summer should be fun.  And smelly.  He is starting to get used to the idea of changing schools.  I am not, but will get there.

And I couldn't be more proud of this guy.  Still making great strides.  He is in the throes of the four year old constant question phase, with the recent introduction of "why."  I know it's a great sign and his inquisitiveness is a sign of his intelligence, but holy cow it is exhausting.  But he reminded me today that I need to be patient.  I'd had enough of about 20 minutes of constant questions and said, "Rowan, no more questions for a while, Mommy needs a break."  He replied, "But I want to TALK!"  Sniff, sorry little buddy, carry on with your questions.  The other day he LIED to Lynnie.  She reminded me how wonderfully developmentally appropriate that is.  Plus, we found out he's a really bad liar.  Like his dad. That's good, he'll get away with less later on.  He is still having speech at SRC (love, love love!) and is now seeing an OT and doing a great job there.  It is fun to see him be a little more himself every day.

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Ode

I've wanted to write a post about our Lynnie, Rowan's preschool teacher for a while now, but sometimes you can't find the right words to express such profound gratitude.

Like the gratitude you feel when you are calling around to preschools, explaining your child's "condition" and she is the only one who 1.) knows what it is and 2.) seems genuinely excited about having him.

Or the gratitude you feel when you realize how she sees him:  as the beautiful boy that he is, with gifts of his own and lots of love to give.  NOT as a problem to solve.

Or the gratitude you feel when she observes things in your child you didn't even notice yourself, or at least couldn't put into words.  And how she ever so gently, but firmly at the same time PUSHES him outside his comfort zone. And you watch how she lovingly, respectfully redirects.  You take notes.  You try it at home.  It works.

Or the gratitude you feel when you realize you no longer dread asking the question, "How was his day?"  And the answer doesn't  include reports of him hiding, avoiding the other kids, or sitting on the steps and whimpering all day.

Or just the gratitude of that AWESOME laugh, sense of humor and insight. It has turned this weary teacher's bad day around many times.

No words, really.  But I do have a picture.  It's a photo of the top of Rowan's Sensory Processing Measure for his new Occupational Therapist.  Lynn filled out the school portion.  She could've just filled out "preschool teacher" on the relationship line.  But she didn't.  I glanced at it and an involuntary happy sob escaped from my throat.  Thanks, Lynnie.  We love you too. (Sorry if I made you cry...it's not that hard to do, you know.  And you started it.)

Seize This

Today, I lazily copy this link into this post, not because I am lazy, but because these are my exact thoughts and I couldn't have said it better.

My favorite quote:  " I can't even carpe fifteen minutes in a row, so a whole diem is out of the question."

Please read, and I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Don't Carpe Diem

The Moment We've All Been Waiting For

Life seems normal.

That might sound boring to most people, but it is extraordinary to me and my family.

Normal is what we've been striving for.

I feel like I woke up sometime in the last two months with this weird feeling, like, "Huh...that's weird...I don't feel frantic."

There is no doubt that Rowan has made a HUGE leap since Thanksgiving, on so many levels.  His language has become more conversational and expressive, he shows empathy and caring for others, he not only notices the other kids, but he wants to engage with them and follows along with their play.  He has become the boy we always knew was there: witty, sensitive, imaginative, caring and full of kisses and mischief.  He plays nicely with his brother, and they are totally IN LOVE with each other (or nearly killing each other, like most brothers do.)  Conflicts that do arise sure seem like typical four year old battles: whining, manners, sharing, using a bossy voice.  Lashing out violently, like he did about 9 months ago, isn't even on the radar.  His preschool teacher, Lynnie, said that watching him in the month of December was like "watching a flower bloom."

Sure, I know, as always, that there are still hills to climb ahead.  I know there will regressions and backsliding and all that nonsense, but I can't help but feel that many of the huge hurdles are behind us, and we will never have to leap them again.  We are still seeing the speech pathologist, and signed on for OT starting next month.  We are not checking him out of The Most Awesome Preschool in the World any time soon.  I'm no dummy.  I know why we're here.  It's because this stuff is working!

And so....I welcome you, uninterrupted conversation with my husband, giggles from the boys as they play together in another room.  Hello, visits to restaurants and relatives houses.  Good day to you, grocery store checkout line. Church...., um...ah, well...we'll get there.  Good evening, little boy who is upset with me because he is worried I got shampoo in his brother's eyes.  Good morning, kisses and hugs (oh...the BEST kisses and hugs.)  Hola, play date.  Real play date.  Where my kid plays.  With the other kid.

Blessed be. And Amen.

The Fitzpatrick 2011 Christmas card

Reflections on a Year

So, 2011 comes to a close.  So much to reflect on.  So much to look forward to.  So hard to not be all sentimental, reflective and hopeful this time of year.  I can't help it.

Here goes,

2011 - Lows

Sensory Processing Disorder
Aidan's surgery
Tough decisions regarding jobs and schools
The first 3 months of school (for me)
Dan getting laid off
Rowan not qualifying for SpEd services
Saying goodbye to my friends at NSCS
Losing our kitty, Beaner

2011- Highs

Trip to the Porcupine Mountains
Rowan's significant progress
Aidan learning guitar
Summer with Carrie and Corryn
Dan getting laid off
LYNNIE (Rowan's preschool teacher - she deserves her own post)
Rowan getting into speech therapy at SRC
A reminder to stay humble in my new job
Getting really good at sewing
The boys sharing a room

2011 - Grateful fors

Friends, old and new
My new creating space
Supportive family
Rowan - for being so funny, cute and imaginative
Aidan - for being so musical, funny, smart
Dan - for being supportive, loving and an awesome dad
LYNNIE
Duluth
My happy, healthy home

2012 - Looking forward to

More vacations
Watching Dan grow his own business
Watching Rowan grow into himself
Listening to Aidan's music
Making more stuff
Going on more hikes
Spending more time in and on the water
Laughing

A happy happy 2012 to you!!!!!!!!!

Body Parts You Can Live Without

I'll admit it, I've been ignoring my blog.  Sorry.  Insert usual excuses here: too busy, not inspired, etc.

It was an eventful week at the Fitzpatrick household, to say the least.  Starting Monday with a just-in-case ER visit, and crescendoing to emergency surgery by Saturday.  Fun times.

So, little Aidan has been dealing with phimosis for the last year or so, with little discomfort until about a week ago.  When he was complaining that it hurt to pee on Monday (he neglected to tell us it had been going on for days) we took him to the ER, and then consulted with a pediatric surgical urologist to schedule a minor procedure for the following week to open things up a bit.

Alas, things went downhill quickly.  More and more pain each day, until Friday night, where the kid could hardly pee at all.  Another trip to the ER, where we were told it was an infection.  Wrong.  In actuality, the hole was closing up, which it completely did by Saturday morning.  Ouch.

Immediately, I got on the phone to call the urologist again, and it was agreed an emergency circumcision was the only route.  Problem is, there is no pediatric surgical urologist in Duluth, so we had to rush to the twin cities.  Car Ride From Hell ensued.  For two and a half hours, Aidan howled in agony.  I did my best  while Dan sped.  Rubbed his back, applied, ice, played ipad movies.  The worst of it was that Rowan just didn't get it, and he couldn't stand Aidan's screaming, so he started screaming.  Then I started screaming.  I would not make a good nurse.

We finally made it down, and after a dose of morphine, the kiddo was more comfortable, and within 45 minutes he was in surgery.  The doc couldn't believe how much pressure his little organ was under and can't imagine how much pain he was in.  All went well, and we have returned home, frazzled and traumatized, but relieved, and with a little less skin.  Aidan is the bravest person I know.

While we were waiting to be discharged, Aidan and I were talking about body parts you can live without.  Your foreskin, your tonsils, your appendix, your gall bladder, etc.

"Have I ever had my tonsils or index out, Mom?"

At least he is understanding the parts of a book.  Nice.

Special thanks to Auntie Ann, who met us at Children's Hospital and went on Rowie Duty, so we could focus on getting Aidan fixed.