Let the Revolution Begin

So, again, I am inspired by another Katrina Kenison book.   This time it is Mitten Strings For God.  It's basically a book she wrote when her kids were little, to help her be mindful to SLOW DOWN and simplify.  The writing may be a bit flowery and idealistic, but I get it.


It's really no wonder there is this thing called Sensory Processing Disorder.  And why it seems kids are getting less able to entertain themselves, and why parents seem more stressed.  There is just SO MUCH being thrown at them, at us.

I can remember as a kid having the whole cul-de-sac neighborhood as free reign.  We'd play kick the can, moonlight starlight and capture the flag until the 9:00 siren would go off, and then we knew it was time to go home.  I'm not sure what my parents were doing, but they sure didn't seem worried.  I don't remember having homework until 5th or 6th grade.  (Aidan had homework in kindergarten.)

I feel overwhelmed by how much we are scheduled in doing stuff.  In a story similar to one in Mitten Strings, by the time we got to Halloween this year, my kids had been in their costumes four times at four different events.  And we had skipped two parties.  I was relieved in December when our school decided not to have a Holiday music program this year: one less thing to do.

As I am reading this book, I am realizing that we as a culture are so focused on creating these amazing experiences for our kids, trying to keep them happy, that we are overlooking the real fun of simple, ordinary, everyday life.  We seem to be teaching kids to keep expecting bigger and better, and not letting them just  see what life will just bring to them.

While I've never rented a bouncy castle for a party, I am guilty of this as any other parent.  We went WAY overboard at Christmas this year, and I regretted it.  There are events, parties and other experiences I keep throwing at my kids that they don't need.  But slowly, as I learn to listen to Rowan and recognize the signs of overload, I am learning to say no.  Yep, we went to the birthday party today.  The Aquarium was loud and busy and I spent 20 minutes of it in a quiet, abandoned meeting room.  The old me would have pined away for the fact that Rowan wasn't playing with his friends. The new me saw that he and I were having a nice quiet moment together, and that he had found a pretty nice way to regroup so he could return to the party. (Which he did.)

I am starting a revolution.

First, it starts with assassinating the person who had the idea of putting candy bars by checkout counters.

Then, it moves on to building blanket forts.

Having cereal for dinner more often, so we can play outside together.

More cookie baking.  There will definitely be more cookie baking.

No more t.v. shows with commercials. (Oh, wait, I did that already.)

Dance parties.  Every Saturday.  If we feel like it.

No more than 3 kids invited to birthday parties.

Less stuff at Christmas and more snowmen/ice skating.

I may also assassinate the really annoying sports parents.  You know, the ones who yell at their 7 year old at t-ball games?  Those people have to go.  If my kid wants to build mountains in the dirt in outfield, or pick grass during a soccer game, he can.

Dora?  Also on the assassination list.

Oh, and those people who took Bob the Builder and changed it from a cute show about working together into a show about being naughty and nasty?  On the list.

Also, the people who destroyed Sesame Street.

Okay, maybe I'll stop assassinating people and just bring back Mr. Rogers.

And write a letter to all the people making kids shows and tell them to stop trying to teach my kids so much stuff.  They get plenty of that at school, and from me.  What ever happened to Wile E. Coyote falling off the cliff fifteen times, anyway?

Camping.  More of that.

Important people/characters of the revolution: The kids next door, Skippyjon Jones, The Boxcar Children, Grover, The Beatles, Led Zeppelin, Pirates, The Laurie Berkner Band, The Barenaked Ladies kid's CD and our dog.

Oh, and I'd like to resolve that when friends stop by, they will frequently find me wearing a superhero cape, a pirate eye patch or acting like a cat/dog.  Important part of the revolution.

Anyway, you get it.  Basically, more of what I had as a child, and less of this pushy business.

Anyone care to join?

The Hackensack Bathroom Incident of 2011

This blog post is brought to you by Dyson, makers of the loudest *+%#$@ hand dryers in the world, which made my young son terrified of bathroom fans, and hence, terrified of most public bathrooms.

This wasn't much of an issue until we were potty trained. Now, well, it is.

My Mom, Rowan and I had a nice trip to Hackensack today. We had a little shopping to do, and decided to go out to lunch. We had perfect restaurant behavior out of Rowan, which was awesome. We tried to get Rowan to go potty at the restaurant, but he had no interest. (Fan....too scary.)

Next, we went to a secondhand store next to the restaurant. It was nicely equipped with two bathrooms, both with fans. You could tell he was starting to NEED to go. I didn't push it, and hoped our last stop would have a fan-less bathroom.

As we walked into the Hackensack co-op, a sign on the door greeted us: No public restroom available. Oh, this could be bad. Of course, we were not in the door 2 minutes, when Rowan informs me has has to go potty. I looked pleadingly at an employee standing nearby and she directed me toward an employee bathroom in the back.

The Hackensack Co-op is not very big. The bathroom, possibly the smallest in the world besides the one at our house, is situated in this back room in an area where employees, mostly older folks who are volunteering, are packaging food on nearby countertops. Besides being small, the bathroom had this weird step you had to go up, making the toilet look very much like a throne. Did I also mention that though the bathroom was in the back, it was very noticeable from one area of the store? These details are important later.

One flip of the light switch, and I knew I was screwed. Fan. Crap. I tried to convince him to cover his ears. No go. Lots of whining, starting to shriek. Am employee convinced me it was okay to leave to door open. I was not sure I wanted everyone in the store to see my kid's naked parts standing on this stage of a bathroom, but what choice did I have? I wedged the wastebasket into the door, which for some reason really ticked Rowan off. More shrieking. I removed the wastebasket and looked around for another tool to prop open the door. I kicked off my shoe and wedged it in. This seemed to make him happier, until he started shrieking "Take my jacket off!!!"

Did you know it's really hard to take a jacket off of a panicking 3 year old who will not take his fingers out of his ears? (And, no, the fan/light was not on, but he needed backup just in case I guess.)

One shoe off, lights off, loud panicked child, feeling like I am on stage, hmmm...what could we add here to make this more fun? Oh, I KNOW, the Well Meaning Stranger. Can I just say I hate these people? I know they want to help, but really, saying "It's better than having wet pants!" to my child in a cheery voice a dozen times is not helpful. (This was one of the employees just outside the door.) I have often wondered how I could make some happy little cards to hand to these people to shut them up. It could say "Overly Sensitive Child, do not engage in conversation please," or "This child has issues, please do not speak to him when he is upset." Plus maybe I could find some pocket copies of The Out of Sync Child to hand out to these folks. Knowledge is power, after all.

Flustered now, feeling like my body temp is about 250 degrees, face beet red, I yank Rowan's pants down (he is of no help with fingers in his ears) and try to lean him forward to pee standing up. More shrieking. He wants to sit down. Backwards. This means removal off all clothing from the waist down, including, for some reason, socks. ("It's better that having wet pants!" I hear sung through the door cheerily.) At this point, I prove that patience is not an endless well. I raise my voice, start ripping off Rowan's clothes, and even threw his boot at the wall. The employee sings her little mantra again.

Luckily, my superhero (my mom) sensed things were not going well. (I suspect at this point most people in the store sensed this as well.) Rowan at this point was seated a peeing, but she managed to calm us both down and put the situation back together.

Clothed, bladder emptied, mostly calmed down, Rowan and my mom and I processed out of the back room. "It's better than having wet pants!" my new friend chirped.

I barely remember saying it, but apparently I replied "At this point I am not so sure about that."

Culinary Delights

Scene: Bedtime, rocking chair

Me: I Love you soooo much, I could eat you!  Can I eat you?
Rowan: (giggle) No!
M: I want to make a Rowie hair salad.
R: (giggle) No!
M: Cheesy Rowie earlobes.
R: (giggle)
M: A Rowie toe sandwich!
R: (giggle giggle)
M: Noodles and Rowie bellybuttons!
R: (giggle giggle laugh) No!
M: Rowie nose soup!
R: (giggle)

Quiet, rocking for a while.

Rowan: BUTT CAKE!!!!!!!
Me: (can't help myself) (giggle)
R: BUTT CAKE!  BUTT CAKE! BUTT CAKE! (giggle giggle laugh laugh laugh)

Refer to the giggle video below to see how the rest of bedtime went.  He's up there now, still giggling.

Sonshine

We were on a little family hike about a week ago.  It was one of those weird spring days, where the lamb is trying to kick out the lion.  Still snow on the ground, but sunshine lingering later in the day, less need for mittens and hats.  Snow boots weren’t good for keeping out the wet, rain boots weren’t warm enough.  We opted for the latter, our feet were cold.  But we still had fun.  There were so many snowmelt waterfalls to look at and fun patches of slush and mud to pad around in.

While we were hiking along, Dan commented on my mood.

“You seem a lot more upbeat lately.”  He attributed it to a possible job opportunity that I am applying for.

“Nah...really I think it’s really the return of the sun.”

“It’s great to have him back, isn’t it?”

He thought I meant SON.  Or maybe it was one of his cute play on words, which he is good at.

Regardless, I am really confident in Rowan’s progress these days.  Indeed, it does seem like he has returned.  I asked Dan last night, “When was the last time you saw him hit, bite, kick, scratch or throw something?”  He couldn’t remember.  Today Rowan came home all out crabby and whiny.  Lots of things made him mad, things that even a month ago, would have destroyed dinner, left me shaken and unsure of my parenting, and derailed him for the remainder of the night.  Tonight he weathered his bad mood without any meltdowns or tantrums...a true test.  A tickle fight with Dad turned his mood around.

An acquaintance of mine mentionedtoday how the return of spring feels.  “You’re like, Oh thank GOD I made it through again.  Somehow I survived it.”  Amen.  Amen to the sun shining and the son shining.

I know that Rowan is like the seasons, and there is a strong probability of darker times ahead.  For now I will wear my tank top on 60 degree days, turn my face to the light, shed my shoes, and go out and play with sidewalk chalk.

I Never Thought I Would.....

....have to apologize to the daycare provider because my child is pretending to pee on other children.

....see the fact that my child is pretending to pee on other children as a good sign and progress because he is acting like a normal little boy.

....look in the backseat to find my 7 year old with his shirt off in March.  Explanation:  Easier to make armpit farts.

....have my child walk in on me while I was going to the bathroom and remind me "tuck in your wiener."

...be scolded at the table by both my children for potty talk. (All these boys are a BAD influence.)

Rock N Roll

Still performing.  What else is there to say?

Dinnertime Giggles

Most parents would put a stop to these dinnertime shenanigans, but two months ago, dinnertime used to be the WORST time of day for Rowan.  Think lots of screaming.  I will welcome these giggles.  What I didn't get on here was when I burped and both boys completely LOST it.  Aidan was rolling on the floor laughing.  Something tells me my friends with daughters do not experience this.

Lamentations

Not normally a cut and paste sort of person, but this was just sent to me, and it is FUN-NEE! Enjoy!

Lamentations of the Father
by Ian Frazier

Laws Concerning Food and Drink
The beasts of the field, and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that are acceptable in my sight you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the hoofed animals, broiled or ground into burgers, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cloven-hoofed animal, plain or with cheese, you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the cereal grains, of the corn and of the wheat and of the oats, and of all the cereals that are of bright color and unknown provenance you may eat, but not in the living room. Of the quiescently frozen dessert and of all frozen after-meal treats you may eat, but absolutely not in the living room. Of the juices and other beverages, yes, even of those in sippy-cups, you may drink, but not in the living room, neither may you carry such therein. Indeed, when you reach the place where the living room carpet begins, of any food or beverage there you may not eat, neither may you drink.
But if you are sick, and are lying down and watching something, then may you eat in the living room.

Laws When at Table
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away. When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away.
When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass.

Laws Pertaining to Dessert
For we judge between the plate that is unclean and the plate that is clean, saying first, if the plate is clean, then you shall have dessert. But of the unclean plate, the laws are these: If you have eaten most of your meat, and two bites of your peas with each bite consisting of not less than three peas each, or in total six peas, eaten where I can see, and you have also eaten enough of your potatoes to fill two forks, both forkfuls eaten where I can see, then you shall have dessert. But if you eat a lesser number of peas, and yet you eat the potatoes, still you shall not have dessert; and if you eat the peas, yet leave the potatoes uneaten, you shall not have dessert, no, not even a small portion thereof. And if you try to deceive by moving the potatoes or peas around with a fork, that it may appear you have eaten what you have not, you will fall into iniquity. And I will know, and you shall have no dessert.

On Screaming
Do not scream; for it is as if you scream all the time. If you are given a plate on which two foods you do not wish to touch each other are touching each other, your voice rises up even to the ceiling, while you point to the offense with the finger of your right hand; but I say to you, scream not, only remonstrate gently with the server, that the server may correct the fault. Likewise if you receive a portion of fish from which every piece of herbal seasoning has not been scraped off, and the herbal seasoning is loathsome to you, and steeped in vileness, again I say, refrain from screaming. Though the vileness overwhelm you, and cause you a faint unto death, make not that sound from within your throat, neither cover your face, nor press your fingers to your nose. For even now I have made the fish as it should be; behold, I eat of it myself, yet do not die.


Concerning Face and Hands
Cast your countenance upward to the light, and lift your eyes to the hills, that I may more easily wash you off. For the stains are upon you; even to the very back of your head, there is rice thereon. And in the breast pocket of your garment, and upon the tie of your shoe, rice and other fragments are distributed in a manner wonderful to see. Only hold yourself still; hold still, I say. Give each finger in its turn for my examination thereof, and also each thumb. Lo, how iniquitous they appear. What I do is as it must be; and you shall not go hence until I have done.

Various Other Laws, Statutes, and Ordinances
Bite not, lest you be cast into quiet time. Neither drink of your own bath water, nor of bath water of any kind; nor rub your feet on bread, even if it be in the package; nor rub yourself against cars, nor against any building; nor eat sand.
Leave the cat alone, for what has the cat done, that you should so afflict it with tape? And hum not that humming in your nose as I read, nor stand between the light and the book. Indeed, you will drive me to madness. Nor forget what I said about the tape.

Complaints and Lamentations
O my children, you are disobedient. For when I tell you what you must do, you argue and dispute hotly even to the littlest detail; and when I do not accede, you cry out, and hit and kick. Yes, and even sometimes do you spit, and shout "stupid-head" and other blasphemies, and hit and kick the wall and the molding thereof when you are sent to the corner. And though the law teaches that no one shall be sent to the corner for more minutes than he has years of age, yet I would leave you there all day, so mighty am I in anger. But upon being sent to the corner you ask straightaway, "Can I come out?" and I reply, "No, you may not come out." And again you ask, and again I give the same reply. But when you ask again a third time, then you may come out.
Hear me, O my children, for the bills they kill me. I pay and pay again, even to the twelfth time in a year, and yet again they mount higher than before. For our health, that we may be covered, I give six hundred and twenty talents twelve times in a year; but even this covers not the fifteen hundred deductible for each member of the family within a calendar year. And yet for ordinary visits we still are not covered, nor for many medicines, nor for the teeth within our mouths. Guess not at what rage is in my mind, for surely you cannot know.

For I will come to you at the first of the month and at the fifteenth of the month with the bills and a great whining and moan. And when the month of taxes comes, I will decry the wrong and unfairness of it, and mourn with wine and ashtrays, and rend my receipts. And you shall remember that I am that I am: before, after, and until you are twenty-one. Hear me then, and avoid me in my wrath, O children of me.

The Haircut

BEFORE

AFTER - okay the bangs are a little crooked, but read
the above stuff, and you'll see why.

I thought it went pretty well considering:

1. I've never cut hair before.

2. The only person who has ever cut his hair is in Florida.

3. After the first snip, Rowan started screaming "ONLY ON PAPER!!!!" (I wish he'd remembered this scissors rule when he cut up the couch cover last year....)

4. He screamed through the whole rest of the haircut.

5. Jellybean bribes did not stop the screaming.

6.  There was a giant dreadlock in the back which had taken prisoners.

7. I had just ingested a double cold-press mocha and was very jittery (the caffeine high was what made me attempt this in the first place.)